Games Narcissists Play

Don’t let a Narcissist stop you from believing in yourself!  Your opinion DOES count! Your goals and dreams count. You have a right to them. You have a right to succeed–and to FEEL HAPPY about it. Despite their discouragement, or criticisms, or jealousy of you.

Narcissists are too controlling, domineering, they lack empathy, its all about them, and you get pushed into the background, ignored, put down and invalidated. Its an Awful way to live.  Get a job. Have your own car, your own phone. SEE your friends–without the Narcissist always being with you. Have your own laptop or tablet.  BELIEVE in yourself.

Here is a very informative video from Dr. Les Carter.  He clearly explains bad things a Narcissist will do to you, or tactics they will use against you. But there is Hope. Now, you know. You are aware. You have the knowledge. Use it, even silently, to survive and gain strength, and freedom from the Narcissist.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwgWCH1iyUk      –theOwl30    PS– i post music/songs, and opinions on Psychology, Spirituality, Books, Old TV shows and more at:  http://www.thewordpressowl.wordpress.com

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5 Ways to be Happier

Here are 5 ways to increase your Happiness.

Note: A meaningful life, is not necessarily a happy life. Do not confuse the two.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_TfQ7XU5N5g

Self-Help Book: “How to Live 365 Days a Year” by John A. Schindler M.D.

LIfe has its stresses and hassles.  Sometimes we may feel too worried, or depressed, or angry, or too rushed, or irritated by aggravations.

It would nice, if more of the time, we could feel both: 1. Calm and 2. Happy

John A. Schindler M.D. and his book: “How to Live 365 Days a Year” can be a big help with that.  The book was written years ago but is still very relevant and accurate, today.

No, it’s not another book on “Mindfulness” or “positive thinking” or visualization. More down to earth and physical and some solid everyday advice.

It talks about how we can be “calm, and happy. –Right now.” You will also get a mini-education about: Glands and hormones.  No worries, he keeps it simple and not too technical, but you will likely find it eye-opening.

What is STH? What is ACTH? What can be the long-term effect of too much of these? Who was Dr. Hans Seyle?  The book mentions that “Good Emotions are your best medicine!”  Several times, you will be presented with a real-life situation, and see how 2 different people handled it, one in a healthy way, the other one not so much. You can see the difference.  This is realistic advice you can put into practice. You will also learn more about your body chemistry and how it affects you.

Who doesn’t want to feel more “Calm. and Happy. –Right now”?   Amazon.com should have this book. Barnes & Noble should be able to order it. Get it. Read it. It is definitely “time well-spent”.   🙂   You’ll feel better.   PS—I post about a variety of topics. Scroll down and see my last 12 posts, or explore my monthly archives. Thanks for stopping by.    –the Owl

Examining Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy. We want to worry less and to feel more joyful.  Let’s take a deeper look at that.  Some people are “a bundle of “nerves” ” where even small things trigger them into too much tension, anger, anxiety or some unpleasant emotion.   This is likely a body-chemistry thing with them—-drugs? too much caffeine, or some actual vitamin/mineral or hormone imbalance, keeping them  “off-center” and interfering with one’s well-being.

What if we could balance or restore our inner chemistry to 40% more inner Peace and 60% more enthusiastic Joy and zest?  Think more about this. If someone can feel “all wound up” where too-many-things-that-shouldn’t bothers them, then why can’t there be an inner-chemistry where we could far better be “less-rattled” by whatever comes up, (but not become uncaring or inactive or unresponsive) and also have more zest and smiling Joy (while still being rational).  Why not?  If an imbalance can mess us up, why cant a better (but Natural) internal mix make us more calm but also more energetically happy?

But– when I go to the Bookstore and scan through some paperbacks on Happiness,  no one talks about this. Instead, today its all about:

1. Just have friends
2.  and a job you like
3.  exercise
4.  manage your finances

A person could do/have all of those things, and still have a bad “internal body chemistry” and be agitated, easily angered, depressed, overly anxious anyway!!   Many people are.

While practicing “mindfulness” can be a healthy first step, too few people are doing it and it doesn’t seem to be enough of a help.  We need a better and healthier and natural better body chemistry where we can be less agitated (but not inactive) and yet have energy and feel like smiling more easily (while still being rational and coherent).  I’m not a doctor but that’s my opinion. Who couldn’t use more peace, and more Joy, more often?

Living Better & Too Much Advice

There is no shortage of advice these days. On how to be:

A Success….or Happier……or more Productive……or Fulfilled….and on and on.

But it’s time ask yourself:  What do *you* think is “the Answer”—and why that? Ya know, its kinda weird. For all the tons of books and advice out there, almost no one tells you to “trust your own judgement”.  Everyone wants you to follow *them* (while they make more money). People are too dependent and reliant on what others tell them is the answer—to “get ahead”…to “find Bliss”…or whatever.

I was just recently in a Barnes and Noble Bookstore and there are lots of books on “Mindfulness”. It’s all the rage these days. And meditation. In the bookstores, On Youtube.  But—the answer, keeps changing with time. As if they are fads that come and go.

Over the last 40 years, advice has been all over the map. But what do *you* think is best?  Is it all about:

“letting go”…..or “taking responsibility”……or “getting in touch with your inner child”….or cutting out “toxic people”……or “getting more confidence”…..or “finding your passion”……or starting your own business…..or “forgiving yourself”…..or “being assertive”…..or labeling half the people in your life as “narcissists” and then ghosting them?…..or buying excersize equipment?….or being more “grounded” (How? what does that even mean?)….or “balancing your Chakras?”…..or “being more mindful” ?

Next year, when the bookstores have another new batch of advice-books, will you jump on the Bandwagon or whatever the next fad is? Even the “experts” keep changing. So!  After all the books, and TedTalks, and Youtube videos, and therapists—-What do *you* think is best? and Why?
….

 

 

 

How to get even with a Narcissist by Stephanie Lyn

Narcissism stinks. And you don’t have to just sit there and take it.

It’s time you got even.  Meet Stephanie Lyn, a Life Coach. This is a good video. She is believable and helpful.

“My Opinion” – the Narcissist’s Revenge?

Maybe this has happened to you.  You have been dealing with a Narcissist. This person often minimizes what you say, or ignores it with no response at all, or ridicules it, or acts like they know better than you—and if you call them out or confront them on it, then they say that they are not criticizing, or  minimizing, but that they just disagree and you are wrong from:  “their Perspective”.   Its “their opinion” and they are entitled to their opinion, just like you are. Now what?

My response is:  they have a right to their opinion, but  nnoooooobody, disagrees  *that* much! There must be something else, or something more, going on.

They hide behind “Subjectivity gone wild”.   It’s all feelings. They aren’t reasoning with you as an adult.

 

 

 

Is anybody Healthy or together?

I enjoy reading about Psychology, personality disorders and happiness.

There is no shortage of advice out there, with tons of people who have become Life Coaches, Therapists, Counselors, Intuitives and on and on, all with their own “paths to wholeness”, advice, methods, etc.  And it gets me asking some things:

1. Is *anybody*   “whole”, healthy and “together”??   Is everybody “broken”?  What does a Positive Emotional Health look like? and just what is the right advice to follow?

Is it all about…… “letting go”?  Is that the answer?  Or— “setting Boundaries”?   Or  “being mindful”?  Or communicating better at work?  And at home?  Or getting more Sleep? Or “trusting your Heart”? or better Time Management?  Or being more alert and sensitive to spiritual “energies”?  Is it about cutting people out of your Life who annoy you?

Is it all of those things? And—–after you have finally done them, what then?  Will you be happy?   Would you settle for “less miserable”?   What will you do to put more positive Pleasure into your individual Life?

Is it all about “giving back to the Community”?   Is it really?  Tell me—exactly what, tangibly, has “the community” -Already-  done for you, that you would feel some legitimate “Need” to “give back”?   Did the community pay off your student loan?  Buy your first house?  Your car?  Pay your medical bills?  No? So what exactly are you giving back”?  No one seems to know. Or they wont say.

Most of the so-called “giving back” is often just for –Recognition and one’s own image.

So! You went on a run and “Raced-for-the-Cure”? Because you “care”?   Do you really? Or do you “Care” about wearing the ribbon you got for participating, to work the next day so several people will ask you what it is and you can tell them all how you “cared” and were “giving back”?  Now you can feel better about yourself cuz you’ve one-upmanshipped them and can tell yourself you “cared more” than they did and how you “made a difference”.  Is that your idea of happiness?   And yet many people do this.

Would they have participated and gave back if they couldnt tell anyone about it?  I wonder. Imagine you are stranded on a warm island with no wild animals to attack you and plenty of fruit growing everywhere but—-no other people on the island.  You are alone. There is no “community” to “give back” to. and so—-is Happiness impossible?  What would you do to be “whole and Integrated and grounded and to feel positive”?  Ask yourself this! I believe its a good test.

….and on it goes, with advice, therapies, programs, techniques, revelations, etc…..and so i ask:  after we’ve all finally:

become more assertive, eaten more fiber and flaxseed, drink more water, had more massages, get more sleep, get promoted,  cleansed our bodies of toxins, seperated ourselves from Toxic people, practiced more Mindfulness, gotten more hugs, attended more seminars…….what then?    What is positive emotional and grounded health?  Is anybody Healthy?   –theOwl30       PS—scroll down and read another 8 or 10 of my posts. I write/post about a variety of topics. Comment on anything.   🙂

Happiness & “connections”

There seems to be a lot of talk these days in Psychology and self-help about finding happiness by having good “connections.”

People say its not what you have, but who we have. But if you believe that, then as soon as you’re 85 or older and have outlived your friends and are alone, then you are instantly not happy, because your connections have passed away and you’ve outlived them. So, unless you’ve also made new ones, you will be alone. And if you are alone, you aren’t “connected”. And if you aren’t connected, how can you still be happy if you believe this current fad? If all of your happiness is in “connections” but you have outlived your connections, is it now instant sadness? How can it not be, if your happiness is dependent on that, and the current writers on “connections” seem to put all of their eggs in that basket. I don’t see them offering anything else!

So if they pin all of their hope for happiness on that, and it dries-up and goes away, what then? Will you ever find Joy in living again?  This goes unaddressed in todays raving about having good connections.

While connections can definitely give us Joy, the real question is: could you, still find joy, even without them? This does not mean that we seek or want to be alone, only that our life is not automatically ruined if we are. But that part isn’t  being much talked about. Challenge the book-writers. Dare to question those who have a degree.

BOOK: The 60-second Shrink by Arnold A. Lazarus PH.D. and Clifford N. Lazarus, PH,D.

Book: “The 60-second Shrink” (Over 100 Strategies for Staying Sane in a Crazy World) by Arnold A. Lazarus PH,D. and Clifford N. Lazarus PH,D.

Lots of useful advice in this book! From the Table of Contents: 1. What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

22. The Dangers of Faulty Positive Thinking

31. Setting Realistic Goals

41. Keys to a Successful Marriage

62. Assertion, Aggression and Passivity

89. The Three Major Types of Psychotherapies

97. Got a Problem? Take Something for it? Or Do Something About it?

And there’s much more. A useful and handy reference to have.

What will you do with your time after you retire?

What makes you happy? How do you like to spend your free time? And what do you think that will be when you are 70?

Some people live very simple lives. Some others thrive on nearly constant activity and being productive. Both of these can be overdone. Simplicity might degenerate into a rut of monotony. Being productive can become an inability to relax.

Here’s a wild thought: Lets assume there really is some sort of Afterlife or Heaven.
In Heaven, people don’t get sick. At least I’ve never heard anyone say that we do. And I’ve never heard anyone be worried about getting a house in the Afterlife. Think of what this means. It means that even if you had a Prestige career-position here on earth as a Doctor, it won’t matter there, as people no longer get sick. If you were a brilliant construction worker or engineer and built a posh 30-story building or 2 story 4bedroom house, or designed a bridge, it won’t matter, cuz people don’t need a house or to have one designed or built. So what matters once you are there?

It might be said that here, is different than there, and so things that may not matter there, will matter here anyway. Ok. So lets keep it here and ask ourselves: Alright, your career here on earth is over and now—-you are Retired. Life is simpler.  Or, is it?  What will matter then? How will you spend your time? What will be fun? What will be important? Why?

When you were a senior in high school, chances are hardly anyone cared that you were very good at drawing with crayons in the 7th grade. By the time you were in your 3rd year of college, no one cares that you did well enough in sports to get a Letterman’s jacket in 11th grade. By the time you are 40, most people will be in a different job and won’t care about the one they had at 23. By the time you are 68, who will care that you were once in Management or the Administration? So then—

Will you, be able to adjust to a Simpler Life? How will you enjoy your time? What will be important? What will make you happy? And if you are 45 or 50 now, why aren’t you already enjoying those things? What is preventing you? The clock is ticking and we are all getting older. It can be insightful, and fun, to think about.

Myers-Briggs and the 16 Types. ISTP vs. INTJ

It’s fun, and informative, to read about the 16 Types (personality types) and the MBTI, also known as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. But one thing I have not seen discussed or written about specifically is: a comparison between SP’s and NJ’s. There has been things written about SP’s and NT’s, But what about SP vs. nJ?  This video by EJarendee on Youtube is the closest I’ve heard of that would deal with that. I thought it was a good video.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOdPRVZIIjU  (please highlight and paste that link into your browser and watch on Youtube. I don’t know why it won’t already highlight here. Other links do). One thing I would add on my own, in general, it sounds like INTJ’s are more “grand schemer/planners” (future oriented) where ISTP’s are more immediate “what’s the best thing that I can do right now” (present moment)? My opinion. Hope you like the video. Thanks, Youtube.