Games Narcissists Play

Don’t let a Narcissist stop you from believing in yourself!  Your opinion DOES count! Your goals and dreams count. You have a right to them. You have a right to succeed–and to FEEL HAPPY about it. Despite their discouragement, or criticisms, or jealousy of you.

Narcissists are too controlling, domineering, they lack empathy, its all about them, and you get pushed into the background, ignored, put down and invalidated. Its an Awful way to live.  Get a job. Have your own car, your own phone. SEE your friends–without the Narcissist always being with you. Have your own laptop or tablet.  BELIEVE in yourself.

Here is a very informative video from Dr. Les Carter.  He clearly explains bad things a Narcissist will do to you, or tactics they will use against you. But there is Hope. Now, you know. You are aware. You have the knowledge. Use it, even silently, to survive and gain strength, and freedom from the Narcissist.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwgWCH1iyUk      –theOwl30    PS– i post music/songs, and opinions on Psychology, Spirituality, Books, Old TV shows and more at:  http://www.thewordpressowl.wordpress.com

“Making a Difference”

It’s All-the-Rage these days. “Making a Difference”. And—“giving back to the Community”.    But…..why?   Seriously. Why?

Exactly WHAT??–has “the Community”  TANGIBLY done, for you personally?  Did the “Community” buy you a Car?  Or pay for a years-worth of your College classes?  Or pay your Rent? or get you a Promotion? Did they pay your big medical bills?  No? Then why on earth do you feel any need to “give back” in the first place?

No one answers this.  They believe in “Service”, but they can’t (or won’t) tell you Why.

Most of the time they tell themselves they “made a difference” by volunteering, but 5 out of 6 times, what really happens is, they make sure that the next day, they are sure to wear the ribbon, badge or pin that they got for Volunteering, to work with them the next day. So YOU will be curious and ask them about it. They simply want the recognition and to feed their ego.  WOULD THEY have volunteered or “been of Service” IF they couldn’t tell anyone at all that they did it?  I truly wonder.

Think about this!  You, and your sweetie are stranded on some Island.  The weather is warm. There are Coconuts, Guavas, Papayas, Grapes, Oranges, Pineapples and Berries growing everywhere. There is even a fresh-water lake with Trout fish in it. But no snakes or wild animals.  The only problem is, there is only the two of you. There are no other people on this Island. S0…..you have NO ONE, to “be of service” to. NO ONE, to “give back” to.  No “Community” to “make a difference” in.   No community to “recognize your contribution”.  Just you & your sweetie. No one else to “serve”. Would Life be futile and meaningless? Would you kill yourself?  Could you still be happy on this Island?

Self-Help Book: “How to Live 365 Days a Year” by John A. Schindler M.D.

LIfe has its stresses and hassles.  Sometimes we may feel too worried, or depressed, or angry, or too rushed, or irritated by aggravations.

It would nice, if more of the time, we could feel both: 1. Calm and 2. Happy

John A. Schindler M.D. and his book: “How to Live 365 Days a Year” can be a big help with that.  The book was written years ago but is still very relevant and accurate, today.

No, it’s not another book on “Mindfulness” or “positive thinking” or visualization. More down to earth and physical and some solid everyday advice.

It talks about how we can be “calm, and happy. –Right now.” You will also get a mini-education about: Glands and hormones.  No worries, he keeps it simple and not too technical, but you will likely find it eye-opening.

What is STH? What is ACTH? What can be the long-term effect of too much of these? Who was Dr. Hans Seyle?  The book mentions that “Good Emotions are your best medicine!”  Several times, you will be presented with a real-life situation, and see how 2 different people handled it, one in a healthy way, the other one not so much. You can see the difference.  This is realistic advice you can put into practice. You will also learn more about your body chemistry and how it affects you.

Who doesn’t want to feel more “Calm. and Happy. –Right now”?   Amazon.com should have this book. Barnes & Noble should be able to order it. Get it. Read it. It is definitely “time well-spent”.   🙂   You’ll feel better.   PS—I post about a variety of topics. Scroll down and see my last 12 posts, or explore my monthly archives. Thanks for stopping by.    –the Owl

Examining Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy. We want to worry less and to feel more joyful.  Let’s take a deeper look at that.  Some people are “a bundle of “nerves” ” where even small things trigger them into too much tension, anger, anxiety or some unpleasant emotion.   This is likely a body-chemistry thing with them—-drugs? too much caffeine, or some actual vitamin/mineral or hormone imbalance, keeping them  “off-center” and interfering with one’s well-being.

What if we could balance or restore our inner chemistry to 40% more inner Peace and 60% more enthusiastic Joy and zest?  Think more about this. If someone can feel “all wound up” where too-many-things-that-shouldn’t bothers them, then why can’t there be an inner-chemistry where we could far better be “less-rattled” by whatever comes up, (but not become uncaring or inactive or unresponsive) and also have more zest and smiling Joy (while still being rational).  Why not?  If an imbalance can mess us up, why cant a better (but Natural) internal mix make us more calm but also more energetically happy?

But—when I go to the Bookstore and scan through some paperbacks on Happiness,  no one talks about this. Instead, today its all about:

  1. Just have friends
  2.  and a job you like
  3.  exercise
  4.  manage your finances

Those are good things, but what no one is talking about is:

A person could do/have all of those things, and still have a bad “internal body chemistry” and be agitated, easily angered, depressed, overly anxious anyway!!   Many people are.

While practicing “mindfulness” can be a healthy first step, too few people are doing it and it doesn’t seem to be enough of a help.  We need a better and healthier and natural better body chemistry where we can be less agitated (but not inactive) and yet have energy and feel like smiling more easily (while still being rational and coherent).  I’m not a doctor but thats my opinion. Who couldnt use more peace, and more Joy, more often?

 

Living Better & Too Much Advice

There is no shortage of advice these days. On how to be:

A Success….or Happier……or more Productive……or Fulfilled….and on and on.

But it’s time ask yourself:  What do *you* think is “the Answer”—and why that? Ya know, its kinda weird. For all the tons of books and advice out there, almost no one tells you to “trust your own judgement”.  Everyone wants you to follow *them* (while they make more money). People are too dependent and reliant on what others tell them is the answer—to “get ahead”…to “find Bliss”…or whatever.

I was just recently in a Barnes and Noble Bookstore and there are lots of books on “Mindfulness”. It’s all the rage these days. And meditation. In the bookstores, On Youtube.  But—the answer, keeps changing with time. As if they are fads that come and go.

Over the last 40 years, advice has been all over the map. But what do *you* think is best?  Is it all about:

“letting go”…..or “taking responsibility”……or “getting in touch with your inner child”….or cutting out “toxic people”……or “getting more confidence”…..or “finding your passion”……or starting your own business…..or “forgiving yourself”…..or “being assertive”…..or labeling half the people in your life as “narcissists” and then ghosting them?…..or buying excersize equipment?….or being more “grounded” (How? what does that even mean?)….or “balancing your Chakras?”…..or “being more mindful” ?

Next year, when the bookstores have another new batch of advice-books, will you jump on the Bandwagon or whatever the next fad is? Even the “experts” keep changing. So!  After all the books, and TedTalks, and Youtube videos, and therapists—-What do *you* think is best? and Why?
….

 

 

 

Is anybody Healthy or together?

I enjoy reading about Psychology, personality disorders and happiness.

There is no shortage of advice out there, with tons of people who have become Life Coaches, Therapists, Counselors, Intuitives and on and on, all with their own “paths to wholeness”, advice, methods, etc.  And it gets me asking some things:

  1. Is *anybody*   “whole”, healthy and “together”??   Is everybody “broken”?  What does a Positive Emotional Health look like? and just what is the right advice to follow?

Is it all about…… “letting go”?  Is that the answer?  Or— “setting Boundaries”?   Or  “being mindful”?  Or communicating better at work?  And at home?  Or getting more Sleep? Or “trusting your Heart”? or better Time Management?  Or being more alert and sensitive to spiritual “energies”?  Is it about cutting people out of your Life who annoy you?

Is it all of those things? And—–after you have finally done them, what then?  Will you be happy?   Would you settle for “less miserable”?   What will you do to put more positive Pleasure into your individual Life?

Is it all about “giving back to the Community”?   Is it really?  Tell me—exactly what, tangibly, has “the community” -Already-  done for you, that you would feel some legitimate “Need” to “give back”?   Did the community pay off your student loan?  Buy your first house?  Your car?  Pay your medical bills?  No? So what exactly are you giving back”?  No one seems to know. Or they wont say.

Most of the so-called “giving back” is often just for –Recognition and one’s own image.

So! You went on a run and “Raced-for-the-Cure”? Because you “care”?   Do you really? Or do you “Care” about wearing the ribbon you got for participating, to work the next day so several people will ask you what it is and you can tell them all how you “cared” and were “giving back”?  Now you can feel better about yourself cuz you’ve one-upmanshipped them and can tell yourself you “cared more” than they did and how you “made a difference”.  Is that your idea of happiness?   And yet many people do this.

Would they have participated and gave back if they couldnt tell anyone about it?  I wonder. Imagine you are stranded on a warm island with no wild animals to attack you and plenty of fruit growing everywhere but—-no other people on the island.  You are alone. There is no “community” to “give back” to. and so—-is Happiness impossible?  What would you do to be “whole and Integrated and grounded and to feel positive”?  Ask yourself this! I believe its a good test.

….and on it goes, with advice, therapies, programs, techniques, revelations, etc…..and so i ask:  after we’ve all finally:

become more assertive, eaten more fiber and flaxseed, drink more water, had more massages, get more sleep, get promoted,  cleansed our bodies of toxins, seperated ourselves from Toxic people, practiced more Mindfulness, gotten more hugs, attended more seminars…….what then?    What is positive emotional and grounded health?  Is anybody Healthy?   –theOwl30       PS—scroll down and read another 8 or 10 of my posts. I write/post about a variety of topics. Comment on anything.   🙂

Oldies! “In Love” by Mike Sheridan and the Night Riders

Get up & dance!   🙂

Love the reverb in the Vocals.  There’s just something about that song. The kind I could rewind and play again 3 more times.  This is “In Love” by Mike Sheridan and the Night Riders.  A 60’s british rock-n-roll oldie.    Share this.  Enjoy!

 

Busy is Bad.

“How’s it goin’?”   …and people will say: “Busy”.

“Hey! We’re all gettin’ together next thursday night, should be fun, wanna join us?” ……and you might hear: “Let me check my Calendar”

It seems like people just cant be happy unless they are “Busy”.  Too bad for *them!* Because much, much too often, their busy-ness means they are too busy for FUN.  And they miss out.  Over-committed. To things they don’t enjoy.  Yes, *do* be responsible, but I’ll bet 80% of the things you have written on your calendar, the reminders, are NOT for things that are fun. Or enjoyable. But nonetheless, you volunteered or said you’d  do them.  So there you are. Booked up. Over-committed and too busy, for EnJOYment. Where’s the JOY?

I suspect alot of them don’t care. Who knows, maybe they are more into “seeming important” by having all these things going on. So maybe their idea of “success” is more important to them than FUN. Or Enjoyment! They will tell themselves they are “being responsibile”.  We all should be, but thats the default setting. We want to Elevate above that, and be (dare i say it?)  Happy!   🙂

In some cases it may be even worse than that. Maybe they aren’t really busy but lie and say they are. Why would they do that? Perhaps they feel a life that isnt busy is “unproductive” or boring and so they are nearly paranoid about LOOKING like a real go-getter and it sounds more politically correct to be “Busy”.  Some people may even think of feeling happy as a “luxury” and resign themselves to drudgery. But thats just trying to paint a politically-correct face, on depression.  What makes you SMILE? Come Alive! Gives you Zest and enthusiasm?  Good emotions, are good for you! Remember that.

Being “Busy” is a fad.  But they can have it.  I dont want it. With no regrets whatsoever. I want to live a life, a happy life, without even owning any Day Planner at all.  With as *little*  crammed onto my Calendar as possible, so that—-I will have MAXIMUM unscheduled-free-time!!– to be AVAILABLE and OPEN to any FUN when it comes along.   To bad for the rest of you “Busy” suckers.

“How’s it goin’, Owl?”

Me: “FANTASTIC!  I have the JOY of FREE time to do whatever I want at a moments notice, or not, however I choose.  I am NOT “in a hurry” and NOT having any ulcers worrying about all these places i hafta be because I’m scheduled so “tight”, like so many other poor suckers. And I don’t have to worry about meetings or traffic or being late. How YOU doin’?”  haha

Them: well, busy.

Me: Maybe you just suck at Time Management.

Let that sink in.  And then sink in some more. And then ask yourself:

  1. When was the last time I drove to the Beach, sat on a driftwood log eating a sandwich and listening to the powerful ocean waves and the seagulls and feeling the misty air?

2. When was the last time I “cleared my schedule” and  spent from 10am til 10pm with my sweetie?

3. When was the last time I had the house to myself, NO CALLS, and sat in my favorite recliner with some soft background music while i spent all day reading a book that I bought?

4. When was the last time i took myself out to lunch, spent all afternoon leisurely walking around the Mall, then having another bite to eat for dinner and then going to see a movie in a big-screen Theatre?

5. When was the last time I filled up the gas tank in the car and got on the freeway and took a scenic drive, 3 hours one way, just to unwind, get out of town and have a refreshing change of scenery?

Them: welllll, I’d like to  but, I’m, um, busy.

Me: That’s right. you are.  And who’s fault is that? And you’re so “busy” that you don’t have Time:   for FUN, for DATES, for day-trips, for unwinding & quiet time….and Life is passing you by!

Bad Dates & Bad TV

There are many things that I don’t want to talk about on a 1st date. Or maybe any other time, too. And some things I’m totally sick of seeing on TV, sad and legitimate though they may be. Some are super-boring and some, while there may be a genuine need for help, are just “shoved-in-your-face” over and over and over and over on TV until you are worn out and now disgusted to see them at all.

Can I watch just ONE solid 7 day week of TV and NOT see any commercials whatsoever about:

  1. Bladder leakage products
  2.  Cancer-kids
  3.  Wounded warriors
  4.  Animal cruelty
  5.  starving people in foreign countries

The need may be real, but the relentless overkill frequency of the commercials gives one “compassion fatigue” and becomes a real turn-off.   That said, some topics are super-boring when you meet a new person, or even afterwards. For me, I really bored silly over anyone wanting to talk about:

  1.  “giving back” to the “community” or “making a difference”. Bleeaaaughh.  GO AWAY. Now!
  2.  Anything Vegan, gluten-free, or how anyone is allegic to this and that and that and wants 4 accommodations whenever they go to any restaurant and interrogate the servers.
  3.  Liberals, social “justice” warriors.
  4.  the middle east
  5.  Climate change and/or the Environment
  6.  “Lightworkers”, quantum theory anything, Ekhart Tolle, Deepok Chopra or Oprah.
  7.  People who love to keep deciding that this or that isn’t really “Appropriate”.
  8. . people who are late, lax, unreliable and then say everything is “no big deal”.

What can I say? Good help is hard to find. But worth looking for.

Country Music, Neal McCoy – ‘The Shake”

Turn it up and DANCE!    See also more of my other posts and shared videos. A variety of Topics. Scroll down.  Enjoy!

Neal McCoy – “The Shake”.  Upbeat, danceable country music.  Thanks, YouTube.

How People Feel: taking another look

I am surprised that I haven’t seen or read of someone else already mentioning this, so I thought I’d share.

Chances are, you’ve already heard it said, many times, that: “people may not remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”

Chances are, most of us reading that would easily agree with it and feel its true. And so, we leave it at that. We believe its true, we agree, and we pretty-much stop thinking about it and leave it right there.  I’ve don’t that myself, too.

And that is sort of the problem. We’ve stopped thinking any further.

I am being more watchful of the people who say that. Are they practicing what they preach? Are they setting an example? (They want everyone else to). Are they “walking-the-walk?” Or are they hypocrites?

And then you get the people who are uncaringly hurtful verbally and repeatedly and they try to justify it by quickly saying: “I’m just being honest. I call a spade, a spade.” (As if nobody else does). Do either of these people really care how *they* make others feel? But they want you to care. And be aware. And be watchful of yourself.

We can see similar things going on in other areas of life, too, like: :

It’s all-the-rage these days. Seemingly everybody-and-their-dog loves to rave on about:

  1. “giving back” and–
  2.  “making a difference” but—-8 times out of 10, they’re really  more concerned about getting recognition and praise for “making a difference” (would they have still done whatever if they couldn’t tell anyone they did it? I wonder. I really do) and——- for all the politically correct talk about giving-back-to-the-community, these same people never seem to be able to tell you exactly, specifically, WHAT did the “the community” ever do for them in the first place that they would feel the need to “give back?”  You will likely see a big Blank here, as apparently not 1 person in 50 will verbalize or specify anything definite.

Kindness to others is a good and positive thing, but It would appear that the problem is that too often when things are True, its easy for us to say: yeah, that’s true, I believe it…….and then not do it, or practice it.  Even the Golden Rule. And at other times, to do good, but to be unable or unwilling to tell others why we do it. Like “making a difference”. Suppose you were stranded on a sunny island with lots of abundant fruit growing and a fresh water stream and no wild animals, but no other people on the island. Now you cant do anything for others. How will you “make a difference?” There’s no one else there, to do anything for. What will you do? Would life automatically be meaningless? Could you still find a way to be Happy?