Ahhh, looking back on it all . . . (shakes head). Some first-dates that went wrong:
#1. Her: You could come over after we leave here…
Me: You *are* single, aren’t you?
Her: Well….kind of. He’s not living with me.
Me: But legally, you’re still married, right?
Her: well, yeah….
Me: But I already said, right in the very beginning before we met, that I was looking for someone legally single or who’s divorce was Finalized.
(It all went downhill from there. I didn’t come over. No 2nd date).
#2. This date, we met for a drink downtown. Actually, I felt the conversation was going quite well, and she was attractive, and then, completely out of nowhere and not related to anything we had been talking about, she asks me: “SO! Do you Recycle?” (I’m serious, she really asked that—WTF??)
Me: Umm, No, I don’t. I just dump it all in one big garbage can.
and then her bottom lip actually started to quiver a bit, as she looked me right in the eyes with this worried look –and she said: But (quiver)…what…what about the LAND-fill?!?
(Ohhhh, brother! Yeah, it went rapidly downhill from there. I was this loser-inconsiderate-Bum (or whatever she felt about me) because I didn’t care about the Planet, etc. Sigh.
#3. Her hair was shampooed. Slender figure, Skirt-n-blouse outfit looked nice. She probably just got off work. We sat down at our table. It wasn’t 3 minutes into it and she asks: SO! Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?
Me: (oh, God! Am i going out with the manager of Personnel?). Probably still living in this city and enjoying Life right here. (I could tell that that wasn’t Aggressive or Goal-oriented enough, even though I was working full-time and paying my bills on time and had my own car and place away from my parents). Maybe i should have said I would become the National CEO of Bank of America and then buy the 3 largest Castles in all of Italy. . .
4. This woman also invited me to her place. And she was single. I get there and she has me sit in her kitchen and offers me Herb Tea. She sits in another chair, also in the kitchen, but her chair is right in front of –an artist’s EASEL …and I get to sit and watch her do “toll-painting”. But hey, its only the first date, right? But there’s hardly any conversation, either. She’s sooo focused on each of her little painting-details, right in front of me. No, she isn’t painting me, either. I try to make conversation but she hardly says a word and gives very short, almost “robot” answers. One time, it was a sunny day and we were sitting in grass and she picked up a flower and sorta teasingly said: He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves not. He loves me. Then she smiled. But nothing happened. Every time I came over, once again, she kept doing more painting, every time! We never even kissed. Finally, I once asked: Do you want to go out with me or do you wanna keep doing painting? and she says she has to get it done. And yet, she kept having me over. I gave up. Too boring. and I had waited. Forget sex, we weren’t doing ANYTHING together! No movies, No road trips, no sports, no games. We didn’t go to the Mall. Toooo boring. I moved on.
#5. We met for a Pizza. She arrives. She’s too fat. By quite alot. I’m not perfect, but seriously, I DO know that I can do better. But I’ll be nice and make the most of it. The Pizza comes, its good, and at least the conversation wasn’t awkward. Until—-
She asks: (looking straight at me!) SO! Have you ever “done it” in a Bath-tub full of Lime Jello? (Yes, she really asked that).
Me: (pause)….welll, no. Can’t say that I’ve tried that one…..
Later, I thanked her but never called back. That was years ago.
And to think, for all of these dates, we DID meet in a public place, first. Those were all years ago. But i still remember. (smiles to self) Life goes on . . . .