“Making a Difference”

It’s All-the-Rage these days. “Making a Difference”. And—“giving back to the Community”.    But…..why?   Seriously. Why?

Exactly WHAT??–has “the Community”  TANGIBLY done, for you personally?  Did the “Community” buy you a Car?  Or pay for a years-worth of your College classes?  Or pay your Rent? or get you a Promotion? Did they pay your big medical bills?  No? Then why on earth do you feel any need to “give back” in the first place?

No one answers this.  They believe in “Service”, but they can’t (or won’t) tell you Why.

Most of the time they tell themselves they “made a difference” by volunteering, but 5 out of 6 times, what really happens is, they make sure that the next day, they are sure to wear the ribbon, badge or pin that they got for Volunteering, to work with them the next day. So YOU will be curious and ask them about it. They simply want the recognition and to feed their ego.  WOULD THEY have volunteered or “been of Service” IF they couldn’t tell anyone at all that they did it?  I truly wonder.

Think about this!  You, and your sweetie are stranded on some Island.  The weather is warm. There are Coconuts, Guavas, Papayas, Grapes, Oranges, Pineapples and Berries growing everywhere. There is even a fresh-water lake with Trout fish in it. But no snakes or wild animals.  The only problem is, there is only the two of you. There are no other people on this Island. S0…..you have NO ONE, to “be of service” to. NO ONE, to “give back” to.  No “Community” to “make a difference” in.   No community to “recognize your contribution”.  Just you & your sweetie. No one else to “serve”. Would Life be futile and meaningless? Would you kill yourself?  Could you still be happy on this Island?

1st Dates gone wrong

Ahhh, looking back on it all . . . (shakes head).  Some first-dates that went wrong:

#1.  Her: You could come over after we leave here…

Me:  You *are* single, aren’t you?

Her: Well….kind of. He’s not living with me.

Me: But legally, you’re still married, right?

Her: well, yeah….

Me: But I already said, right in the very beginning before we met, that I was looking for someone legally single or who’s divorce was Finalized.

(It all went downhill from there. I didn’t come over. No 2nd date).

#2. This date, we met for a drink downtown.  Actually, I felt the conversation was going quite well, and she was attractive, and then, completely out of nowhere and not related to anything we had been talking about, she asks me:  “SO! Do you Recycle?”  (I’m serious, she really asked that—WTF??)

Me: Umm, No, I don’t. I just dump it all in one big garbage can.

and then her bottom lip actually started to quiver a bit,  as she looked me right in the eyes with this worried look –and she said:  But  (quiver)…what…what about the LAND-fill?!?

(Ohhhh, brother!  Yeah, it went rapidly downhill from there. I was this loser-inconsiderate-Bum (or whatever she felt about me) because I didn’t care about the Planet, etc.   Sigh.

#3.  Her hair was shampooed. Slender figure, Skirt-n-blouse outfit looked nice. She probably just got off work. We sat down at our table. It wasn’t 3 minutes into it and she asks: SO! Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?

Me: (oh, God! Am i going out with the manager of Personnel?).  Probably still living in this city and  enjoying Life right here.   (I could tell that that wasn’t Aggressive or Goal-oriented enough, even though I was working full-time and paying my bills on time and had my own car and place away from my parents).  Maybe i should have said I would become the National CEO of Bank of America and then buy the 3 largest Castles in all of Italy. . .

4. This woman also invited me to her place. And she was single. I get there and she has me sit in her kitchen and offers me Herb Tea.  She sits in another chair, also in the kitchen, but her chair is right in front of –an artist’s EASEL …and I get to sit and watch her do “toll-painting”.  But hey, its only the first date, right?  But there’s hardly any conversation, either. She’s sooo focused on each of her little painting-details, right in front of me. No, she isn’t painting me, either. I try to make conversation but she hardly says a word and gives very short, almost “robot” answers.  One time, it was a sunny day and we were sitting in grass and she picked up a flower and sorta teasingly said: He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves not. He loves me. Then she smiled.  But nothing happened. Every time I came over, once again, she kept doing more painting, every time! We never even kissed. Finally, I once asked: Do you want to go out with me or do you wanna keep doing painting? and she says she has to get it done. And yet, she kept having me over. I gave up. Too boring.  and I had waited. Forget sex, we weren’t doing ANYTHING together! No movies, No road trips, no sports, no games. We didn’t go to the Mall. Toooo boring. I moved on.

#5. We met for a Pizza. She arrives. She’s too fat. By quite alot.  I’m not perfect, but seriously, I DO know that I can do better. But I’ll be nice and make the most of it. The Pizza comes, its good, and at least the conversation wasn’t awkward.  Until—-

She asks:  (looking straight at me!) SO! Have you ever “done it” in a Bath-tub full of Lime Jello?  (Yes, she really asked that).

Me: (pause)….welll, no. Can’t say that I’ve tried that one…..

Later, I thanked her but never called back.  That was years ago.

And to think, for all of these dates, we DID meet in a public place, first.  Those were all years ago. But i still remember.  (smiles to self) Life goes on . . . .

 

Self-Help Book: “How to Live 365 Days a Year” by John A. Schindler M.D.

LIfe has its stresses and hassles.  Sometimes we may feel too worried, or depressed, or angry, or too rushed, or irritated by aggravations.

It would nice, if more of the time, we could feel both: 1. Calm and 2. Happy

John A. Schindler M.D. and his book: “How to Live 365 Days a Year” can be a big help with that.  The book was written years ago but is still very relevant and accurate, today.

No, it’s not another book on “Mindfulness” or “positive thinking” or visualization. More down to earth and physical and some solid everyday advice.

It talks about how we can be “calm, and happy. –Right now.” You will also get a mini-education about: Glands and hormones.  No worries, he keeps it simple and not too technical, but you will likely find it eye-opening.

What is STH? What is ACTH? What can be the long-term effect of too much of these? Who was Dr. Hans Seyle?  The book mentions that “Good Emotions are your best medicine!”  Several times, you will be presented with a real-life situation, and see how 2 different people handled it, one in a healthy way, the other one not so much. You can see the difference.  This is realistic advice you can put into practice. You will also learn more about your body chemistry and how it affects you.

Who doesn’t want to feel more “Calm. and Happy. –Right now”?   Amazon.com should have this book. Barnes & Noble should be able to order it. Get it. Read it. It is definitely “time well-spent”.   🙂   You’ll feel better.   PS—I post about a variety of topics. Scroll down and see my last 12 posts, or explore my monthly archives. Thanks for stopping by.    –the Owl

Examining Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy. We want to worry less and to feel more joyful.  Let’s take a deeper look at that.  Some people are “a bundle of “nerves” ” where even small things trigger them into too much tension, anger, anxiety or some unpleasant emotion.   This is likely a body-chemistry thing with them—-drugs? too much caffeine, or some actual vitamin/mineral or hormone imbalance, keeping them  “off-center” and interfering with one’s well-being.

What if we could balance or restore our inner chemistry to 40% more inner Peace and 60% more enthusiastic Joy and zest?  Think more about this. If someone can feel “all wound up” where too-many-things-that-shouldn’t bothers them, then why can’t there be an inner-chemistry where we could far better be “less-rattled” by whatever comes up, (but not become uncaring or inactive or unresponsive) and also have more zest and smiling Joy (while still being rational).  Why not?  If an imbalance can mess us up, why cant a better (but Natural) internal mix make us more calm but also more energetically happy?

But—when I go to the Bookstore and scan through some paperbacks on Happiness,  no one talks about this. Instead, today its all about:

  1. Just have friends
  2.  and a job you like
  3.  exercise
  4.  manage your finances

Those are good things, but what no one is talking about is:

A person could do/have all of those things, and still have a bad “internal body chemistry” and be agitated, easily angered, depressed, overly anxious anyway!!   Many people are.

While practicing “mindfulness” can be a healthy first step, too few people are doing it and it doesn’t seem to be enough of a help.  We need a better and healthier and natural better body chemistry where we can be less agitated (but not inactive) and yet have energy and feel like smiling more easily (while still being rational and coherent).  I’m not a doctor but thats my opinion. Who couldnt use more peace, and more Joy, more often?

 

HSP or Highly Sensitive Person is the new Manipulation fad.

Meet the latest false Fad. If the Narcissist tries to get their way by verbal bullying. criticism, manipulation, then the so-called “Highly Sensitive Person” (or HSP)  tries to get their way by taking introversion, passive-aggressiveness, and your compassion to the other extreme!

How do these people function in the workplace? I have visions of them abusing “work-life balance”, NOT being in the Top 15% most productive at work, being “overwhelmed” far too often and wanting to isolate themselves in a cubicle. If you try to get them to improve in any way, they will likely “get sick”. But you have to be extra super-nice to them, poor little things, because after all, their just so “sensitive”. With some of them, it can even be a sort of game where they may think they are better than you because they “feel more”, or are more spiritually developed because they are “empathic” or “intuitive” (its all the rage these days). But its the opposite of Narcissism. Its getting their way by playing on your Heartstrings and showing you “care”. But it goes much too far. As DR. Phil might say: “WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS?” and so—-
Dear HSP, Introvert and “Sensitive”,
We all deserve to be Happy.
Personal-growth, happy experiences and emotional health, matter.
Therefore, I’m going to make 2020 a better year. By doing healthy and practical self-care.
By not wasting any more time being endlessly patient, or to continue tolerating others who practically “glorify sickness”, or broken-ness, or Autism, or Depression or introversion, or “sensitivity”.

I WAS THERE, when you were hurting.
I WAS THERE when you needed Understanding!
I WAS THERE when you needed someone to listen. And I did—for far too long.
And you never got better.

After all this time, you’re as miserable and struggling as ever and it has now become a matter of my own self-preservation!
I can’t take anymore. Life is passing *me* by, and I was still patient with you! But you’ve exhausted me.
Since Love is a mutual thing, even among friends, I’m leaving. To make my own better times. While I still can. Before I’m too old.

I owe this to myself. We all do. Without guilt. They say: “Life is too short” and dealing with all of this is the proof! But no more.
My personal happiness has been denied too long and “caring” has sucked me dry. It isn’t Healthy! Where is my Joy? We all deserve it. Sometimes I feel like you are hiding behind “being sensitive” as an excuse to have folks be extra-nice to you as you make practically zero efforts to improve anything. What *are* you doing, right now, to get any better at all, and not so “sensitive”?
So, I hope you find a good therapist. And good medication from a Doctor if you need it.

I’m done with waiting for better times, someday.
I can’t wait another year for you to get better.
I *had* patience, lots of it, already. But you have to *want* to get better! Do you?
What steps are you taking right now to become happier? To have less stress? To smile and laugh more. To be more confident. To be less rattled.
I can’t fix you. And a healthy person wouldn’t want me trying to “fix” them.
Broken people don’t make healthy couples! So, work on yourself.
The Sun is out. The air is fresh. And there’s a world of Happy, yes happy, experiences and people out there. It’s high-time I enjoyed them! Starting now. So I’m moving on and doing that! This is nothing for me to apologize for or feel guilty about.
I do not mean any harm. I wish you well. I hope you find happiness, but it can no longer be with me. I was there for you, for too long. Hiding behind “being sensitive” is no excuse for your continued lack of action. Go get some professional help.

Frank James and 16 Personalities at the Therapist

Frank James has some funny Youtube videos, like this one:

 

Busy is Bad.

“How’s it goin’?”   …and people will say: “Busy”.

“Hey! We’re all gettin’ together next thursday night, should be fun, wanna join us?” ……and you might hear: “Let me check my Calendar”

It seems like people just cant be happy unless they are “Busy”.  Too bad for *them!* Because much, much too often, their busy-ness means they are too busy for FUN.  And they miss out.  Over-committed. To things they don’t enjoy.  Yes, *do* be responsible, but I’ll bet 80% of the things you have written on your calendar, the reminders, are NOT for things that are fun. Or enjoyable. But nonetheless, you volunteered or said you’d  do them.  So there you are. Booked up. Over-committed and too busy, for EnJOYment. Where’s the JOY?

I suspect alot of them don’t care. Who knows, maybe they are more into “seeming important” by having all these things going on. So maybe their idea of “success” is more important to them than FUN. Or Enjoyment! They will tell themselves they are “being responsibile”.  We all should be, but thats the default setting. We want to Elevate above that, and be (dare i say it?)  Happy!   🙂

In some cases it may be even worse than that. Maybe they aren’t really busy but lie and say they are. Why would they do that? Perhaps they feel a life that isnt busy is “unproductive” or boring and so they are nearly paranoid about LOOKING like a real go-getter and it sounds more politically correct to be “Busy”.  Some people may even think of feeling happy as a “luxury” and resign themselves to drudgery. But thats just trying to paint a politically-correct face, on depression.  What makes you SMILE? Come Alive! Gives you Zest and enthusiasm?  Good emotions, are good for you! Remember that.

Being “Busy” is a fad.  But they can have it.  I dont want it. With no regrets whatsoever. I want to live a life, a happy life, without even owning any Day Planner at all.  With as *little*  crammed onto my Calendar as possible, so that—-I will have MAXIMUM unscheduled-free-time!!– to be AVAILABLE and OPEN to any FUN when it comes along.   To bad for the rest of you “Busy” suckers.

“How’s it goin’, Owl?”

Me: “FANTASTIC!  I have the JOY of FREE time to do whatever I want at a moments notice, or not, however I choose.  I am NOT “in a hurry” and NOT having any ulcers worrying about all these places i hafta be because I’m scheduled so “tight”, like so many other poor suckers. And I don’t have to worry about meetings or traffic or being late. How YOU doin’?”  haha

Them: well, busy.

Me: Maybe you just suck at Time Management.

Let that sink in.  And then sink in some more. And then ask yourself:

  1. When was the last time I drove to the Beach, sat on a driftwood log eating a sandwich and listening to the powerful ocean waves and the seagulls and feeling the misty air?

2. When was the last time I “cleared my schedule” and  spent from 10am til 10pm with my sweetie?

3. When was the last time I had the house to myself, NO CALLS, and sat in my favorite recliner with some soft background music while i spent all day reading a book that I bought?

4. When was the last time i took myself out to lunch, spent all afternoon leisurely walking around the Mall, then having another bite to eat for dinner and then going to see a movie in a big-screen Theatre?

5. When was the last time I filled up the gas tank in the car and got on the freeway and took a scenic drive, 3 hours one way, just to unwind, get out of town and have a refreshing change of scenery?

Them: welllll, I’d like to  but, I’m, um, busy.

Me: That’s right. you are.  And who’s fault is that? And you’re so “busy” that you don’t have Time:   for FUN, for DATES, for day-trips, for unwinding & quiet time….and Life is passing you by!

How People Feel: taking another look

I am surprised that I haven’t seen or read of someone else already mentioning this, so I thought I’d share.

Chances are, you’ve already heard it said, many times, that: “people may not remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”

Chances are, most of us reading that would easily agree with it and feel its true. And so, we leave it at that. We believe its true, we agree, and we pretty-much stop thinking about it and leave it right there.  I’ve don’t that myself, too.

And that is sort of the problem. We’ve stopped thinking any further.

I am being more watchful of the people who say that. Are they practicing what they preach? Are they setting an example? (They want everyone else to). Are they “walking-the-walk?” Or are they hypocrites?

And then you get the people who are uncaringly hurtful verbally and repeatedly and they try to justify it by quickly saying: “I’m just being honest. I call a spade, a spade.” (As if nobody else does). Do either of these people really care how *they* make others feel? But they want you to care. And be aware. And be watchful of yourself.

We can see similar things going on in other areas of life, too, like: :

It’s all-the-rage these days. Seemingly everybody-and-their-dog loves to rave on about:

  1. “giving back” and–
  2.  “making a difference” but—-8 times out of 10, they’re really  more concerned about getting recognition and praise for “making a difference” (would they have still done whatever if they couldn’t tell anyone they did it? I wonder. I really do) and——- for all the politically correct talk about giving-back-to-the-community, these same people never seem to be able to tell you exactly, specifically, WHAT did the “the community” ever do for them in the first place that they would feel the need to “give back?”  You will likely see a big Blank here, as apparently not 1 person in 50 will verbalize or specify anything definite.

Kindness to others is a good and positive thing, but It would appear that the problem is that too often when things are True, its easy for us to say: yeah, that’s true, I believe it…….and then not do it, or practice it.  Even the Golden Rule. And at other times, to do good, but to be unable or unwilling to tell others why we do it. Like “making a difference”. Suppose you were stranded on a sunny island with lots of abundant fruit growing and a fresh water stream and no wild animals, but no other people on the island. Now you cant do anything for others. How will you “make a difference?” There’s no one else there, to do anything for. What will you do? Would life automatically be meaningless? Could you still find a way to be Happy?

Weird Things That People Do Today

Do you ever “People-watch”?   It can be amazing what you see.

What is up with these people who are INDOORS and walk around wearing a thick wooly head-cap?  Is it Raining indoors? Or are you bald-headed?

What is up with 45 yr. old women who have a Metal nose-ring right smack in the bottom-middle of their nose? As if they have a metal booger hanging out.

And whats up with Black men who walk around on the job at work with their pants half-way down their butt-crack and with their underwear crunched and rolled up on top of their low-hanging pants but still below their shirt….in front of others in the breakroom with no shame as if everybody else does it, ummm, NO! They don’t. 98% of most other folks don’t. So why do they? It a helluva way to “get attention” or to be noticed.

Many people, at work, having lunch in the breakroom, will be on their cell phone. This has become more common but—-what is up with those people who are not only on their cell phone but are also wearing a BIG set of Noise-cancelling Headphones AND talking out loud to whoever 20 minutes of their half-hour lunchbreak, in front of 7 or 8 other people in the breakroom, as if no one was there but them?

Once I was on “a first-date” with a woman and I silently noticed that as she was eating her dinner she ordered…..she ate allllll her steak (only. first.) and then alllll of her broccoli, til it was all gone…and then alllll her French fries……one. thing. only. at. a. time.     Ok, it’s harmless and you could say: “so what” –but –do you know anyone else who does this?  Are they really *that* proud of their “orderliness”?  What’s up?  People are funny.

Things I don’t give a DAMN about on a 1st date (and long after, too)

“Do we have anything in common”?  That’s the Magic question.

Finding a sweetie who is a “kindred spirit” can be wonderful. And—if they are “into” the wrong things, can be just as easily bbooorrrrrrrriinnngggg!!!

That said, when I’m on a date, I don’t wanna hear about (in no particular order):

1.Community Activism or “making a difference”. At all. Go away. Boring as hell.

2. Climate change or the landfills or over-population.

3.  The Middle east.

4. New Age “Lightworkers”, Deepok Chopra or Oprah.

5. Recycling, composting or a vegan diet or anything about gluten-free.

6. Special needs anything or wounded warriors –(sad as they are).

7. Classical music, oil paintings or opera’s.

Having said that, now…go forth and be interesting!

 

 

Psychology. Is Your Therapist Good or Bad? 12 Questions to help decide.

Psychology. Is your Therapist a good one or a bad one? Former  Psychotherapist Daniel Mackler asks 12 questions.  In any profession, or academic study, I enjoy it when those with inside knowledge are willing to offer a Critique. What do you think? Does he have any valid points?

 

Types of Mental Help Professionals

Feel like you need therapy? Someone professional to talk to?  Counseling? But not sure who does what?

Kati Morton explains the differences in different kinds of mental health professionals. The decision is yours. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfex5wnWZXI