Maybe this has happened to you. You have been dealing with a Narcissist. This person often minimizes what you say, or ignores it with no response at all, or ridicules it, or acts like they know better than you—and if you call them out or confront them on it, then they say that they are not criticizing, or minimizing, but that they just disagree and you are wrong from: “their Perspective”. Its “their opinion” and they are entitled to their opinion, just like you are. Now what?
My response is: they have a right to their opinion, but nnoooooobody, disagrees *that* much! There must be something else, or something more, going on.
They hide behind “Subjectivity gone wild”. It’s all feelings. They aren’t reasoning with you as an adult.
This will not be a popular post. It isn’t “Politically correct”. But underneath any irritation you might feel, I suspect there is some embaressment.
I have grown tired of people who are always the ones to so quickly say:
- “It’s a process.” or–
- I’M “a work in progress”. Or–
- Well, making a mistake just shows you’re human. or–
- I’m “working on it” but I’m “still in recovery.”
That’s the Problem! More on that in just a bit but first–
Yes, it is good if you needed help and got yourself into recovery. Also, none of us is perfect and we will make mistakes and we are human.
The problem is:
- They never seem to “get Recovered!” They are always still recover-ING! and-
- (I said it wasn’t politically correct)–mark it down. The ones who are quickest to say: well, a mistake just shows you’re human….these are THE same people who will screw up –the most often–, as opposed to the ones who don’t make a point to say that. It may be True, and it is, but still, you can bet that the ones in the group who say it out loud will be the FIRST ones to re-screw-up, soonest, and most often. Because, after all—
- They are a work “in Progress”.
But that’s exactly my point. Nobody ever “arrives” or “gets there”. Where is the person who “has Overcome!” ? No, they are still overcom-ING. But they are never “there” yet. It’s always “in the process”. Ughhh!
But isn’t Life a matter of continued learning? Yes, it is, and hopefully you care about that. But I don’t feel that means we go on and on for years with the same problem and call it “a work in progress”. I’d rather learn, apply, work on it, and fix what’s wrong and “overcome”. Life will likely have new problems, anyway. To put it bluntly, always “working on it” but never finishing it…always recover-ING but never being recovered….repeatedly screwing up and casually chalking it up to “being human”, is simply much, much too often a lame excuse for NEVER GETTING BETTER. And they don’t. Far, far too often. (So much for “caring” about Self-improvement and personal growth.).
I can hear the criticism now: “well! I’m glad *you’re* perfect.” Reply: I’m not. But I make an effort to not keep repeating the -same- mistakes. Reply#2: 6 months from now, I may still have problems, but at least they won’t still be the same ones!
Broken people don’t make Healthy couples! Get well. Be whole. Get there.