Games Narcissists Play

Don’t let a Narcissist stop you from believing in yourself!  Your opinion DOES count! Your goals and dreams count. You have a right to them. You have a right to succeed–and to FEEL HAPPY about it. Despite their discouragement, or criticisms, or jealousy of you.

Narcissists are too controlling, domineering, they lack empathy, its all about them, and you get pushed into the background, ignored, put down and invalidated. Its an Awful way to live.  Get a job. Have your own car, your own phone. SEE your friends–without the Narcissist always being with you. Have your own laptop or tablet.  BELIEVE in yourself.

Here is a very informative video from Dr. Les Carter.  He clearly explains bad things a Narcissist will do to you, or tactics they will use against you. But there is Hope. Now, you know. You are aware. You have the knowledge. Use it, even silently, to survive and gain strength, and freedom from the Narcissist.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwgWCH1iyUk      –theOwl30    PS– i post music/songs, and opinions on Psychology, Spirituality, Books, Old TV shows and more at:  http://www.thewordpressowl.wordpress.com

1st Dates gone wrong

Ahhh, looking back on it all . . . (shakes head).  Some first-dates that went wrong:

#1.  Her: You could come over after we leave here…

Me:  You *are* single, aren’t you?

Her: Well….kind of. He’s not living with me.

Me: But legally, you’re still married, right?

Her: well, yeah….

Me: But I already said, right in the very beginning before we met, that I was looking for someone legally single or who’s divorce was Finalized.

(It all went downhill from there. I didn’t come over. No 2nd date).

#2. This date, we met for a drink downtown.  Actually, I felt the conversation was going quite well, and she was attractive, and then, completely out of nowhere and not related to anything we had been talking about, she asks me:  “SO! Do you Recycle?”  (I’m serious, she really asked that—WTF??)

Me: Umm, No, I don’t. I just dump it all in one big garbage can.

and then her bottom lip actually started to quiver a bit,  as she looked me right in the eyes with this worried look –and she said:  But  (quiver)…what…what about the LAND-fill?!?

(Ohhhh, brother!  Yeah, it went rapidly downhill from there. I was this loser-inconsiderate-Bum (or whatever she felt about me) because I didn’t care about the Planet, etc.   Sigh.

#3.  Her hair was shampooed. Slender figure, Skirt-n-blouse outfit looked nice. She probably just got off work. We sat down at our table. It wasn’t 3 minutes into it and she asks: SO! Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?

Me: (oh, God! Am i going out with the manager of Personnel?).  Probably still living in this city and  enjoying Life right here.   (I could tell that that wasn’t Aggressive or Goal-oriented enough, even though I was working full-time and paying my bills on time and had my own car and place away from my parents).  Maybe i should have said I would become the National CEO of Bank of America and then buy the 3 largest Castles in all of Italy. . .

4. This woman also invited me to her place. And she was single. I get there and she has me sit in her kitchen and offers me Herb Tea.  She sits in another chair, also in the kitchen, but her chair is right in front of –an artist’s EASEL …and I get to sit and watch her do “toll-painting”.  But hey, its only the first date, right?  But there’s hardly any conversation, either. She’s sooo focused on each of her little painting-details, right in front of me. No, she isn’t painting me, either. I try to make conversation but she hardly says a word and gives very short, almost “robot” answers.  One time, it was a sunny day and we were sitting in grass and she picked up a flower and sorta teasingly said: He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves not. He loves me. Then she smiled.  But nothing happened. Every time I came over, once again, she kept doing more painting, every time! We never even kissed. Finally, I once asked: Do you want to go out with me or do you wanna keep doing painting? and she says she has to get it done. And yet, she kept having me over. I gave up. Too boring.  and I had waited. Forget sex, we weren’t doing ANYTHING together! No movies, No road trips, no sports, no games. We didn’t go to the Mall. Toooo boring. I moved on.

#5. We met for a Pizza. She arrives. She’s too fat. By quite alot.  I’m not perfect, but seriously, I DO know that I can do better. But I’ll be nice and make the most of it. The Pizza comes, its good, and at least the conversation wasn’t awkward.  Until—-

She asks:  (looking straight at me!) SO! Have you ever “done it” in a Bath-tub full of Lime Jello?  (Yes, she really asked that).

Me: (pause)….welll, no. Can’t say that I’ve tried that one…..

Later, I thanked her but never called back.  That was years ago.

And to think, for all of these dates, we DID meet in a public place, first.  Those were all years ago. But i still remember.  (smiles to self) Life goes on . . . .

 

Comedy or Stupidity?

Meet Travis Heinze.  He creates alot of his own trouble. Law enforcement was just doing his job, and sounded quite reasonable about it.  But no, Heinze has to be sassy, contrary and dig himself in deeper. See also his other “Cop stop” videos on Youtube.   He is lucky this encounter didnt go any worse for him.

HSP or Highly Sensitive Person is the new Manipulation fad.

Meet the latest false Fad. If the Narcissist tries to get their way by verbal bullying. criticism, manipulation, then the so-called “Highly Sensitive Person” (or HSP)  tries to get their way by taking introversion, passive-aggressiveness, and your compassion to the other extreme!

How do these people function in the workplace? I have visions of them abusing “work-life balance”, NOT being in the Top 15% most productive at work, being “overwhelmed” far too often and wanting to isolate themselves in a cubicle. If you try to get them to improve in any way, they will likely “get sick”. But you have to be extra super-nice to them, poor little things, because after all, their just so “sensitive”. With some of them, it can even be a sort of game where they may think they are better than you because they “feel more”, or are more spiritually developed because they are “empathic” or “intuitive” (its all the rage these days). But its the opposite of Narcissism. Its getting their way by playing on your Heartstrings and showing you “care”. But it goes much too far. As DR. Phil might say: “WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS?” and so—-
Dear HSP, Introvert and “Sensitive”,
We all deserve to be Happy.
Personal-growth, happy experiences and emotional health, matter.
Therefore, I’m going to make 2020 a better year. By doing healthy and practical self-care.
By not wasting any more time being endlessly patient, or to continue tolerating others who practically “glorify sickness”, or broken-ness, or Autism, or Depression or introversion, or “sensitivity”.

I WAS THERE, when you were hurting.
I WAS THERE when you needed Understanding!
I WAS THERE when you needed someone to listen. And I did—for far too long.
And you never got better.

After all this time, you’re as miserable and struggling as ever and it has now become a matter of my own self-preservation!
I can’t take anymore. Life is passing *me* by, and I was still patient with you! But you’ve exhausted me.
Since Love is a mutual thing, even among friends, I’m leaving. To make my own better times. While I still can. Before I’m too old.

I owe this to myself. We all do. Without guilt. They say: “Life is too short” and dealing with all of this is the proof! But no more.
My personal happiness has been denied too long and “caring” has sucked me dry. It isn’t Healthy! Where is my Joy? We all deserve it. Sometimes I feel like you are hiding behind “being sensitive” as an excuse to have folks be extra-nice to you as you make practically zero efforts to improve anything. What *are* you doing, right now, to get any better at all, and not so “sensitive”?
So, I hope you find a good therapist. And good medication from a Doctor if you need it.

I’m done with waiting for better times, someday.
I can’t wait another year for you to get better.
I *had* patience, lots of it, already. But you have to *want* to get better! Do you?
What steps are you taking right now to become happier? To have less stress? To smile and laugh more. To be more confident. To be less rattled.
I can’t fix you. And a healthy person wouldn’t want me trying to “fix” them.
Broken people don’t make healthy couples! So, work on yourself.
The Sun is out. The air is fresh. And there’s a world of Happy, yes happy, experiences and people out there. It’s high-time I enjoyed them! Starting now. So I’m moving on and doing that! This is nothing for me to apologize for or feel guilty about.
I do not mean any harm. I wish you well. I hope you find happiness, but it can no longer be with me. I was there for you, for too long. Hiding behind “being sensitive” is no excuse for your continued lack of action. Go get some professional help.

Dr. Les Carter, on Narcissism

Meet Dr. Les Carter.   Good information on recognizing and dealing with a Narcissist.

 

Frank James and 16 Personalities at the Therapist

Frank James has some funny Youtube videos, like this one:

 

How to get even with a Narcissist by Stephanie Lyn

Narcissism stinks. And you don’t have to just sit there and take it.

It’s time you got even.  Meet Stephanie Lyn, a Life Coach. This is a good video. She is believable and helpful.

“My Opinion” – the Narcissist’s Revenge?

Maybe this has happened to you.  You have been dealing with a Narcissist. This person often minimizes what you say, or ignores it with no response at all, or ridicules it, or acts like they know better than you—and if you call them out or confront them on it, then they say that they are not criticizing, or  minimizing, but that they just disagree and you are wrong from:  “their Perspective”.   Its “their opinion” and they are entitled to their opinion, just like you are. Now what?

My response is:  they have a right to their opinion, but  nnoooooobody, disagrees  *that* much! There must be something else, or something more, going on.

They hide behind “Subjectivity gone wild”.   It’s all feelings. They aren’t reasoning with you as an adult.

 

 

 

Is anybody Healthy or together?

I enjoy reading about Psychology, personality disorders and happiness.

There is no shortage of advice out there, with tons of people who have become Life Coaches, Therapists, Counselors, Intuitives and on and on, all with their own “paths to wholeness”, advice, methods, etc.  And it gets me asking some things:

  1. Is *anybody*   “whole”, healthy and “together”??   Is everybody “broken”?  What does a Positive Emotional Health look like? and just what is the right advice to follow?

Is it all about…… “letting go”?  Is that the answer?  Or— “setting Boundaries”?   Or  “being mindful”?  Or communicating better at work?  And at home?  Or getting more Sleep? Or “trusting your Heart”? or better Time Management?  Or being more alert and sensitive to spiritual “energies”?  Is it about cutting people out of your Life who annoy you?

Is it all of those things? And—–after you have finally done them, what then?  Will you be happy?   Would you settle for “less miserable”?   What will you do to put more positive Pleasure into your individual Life?

Is it all about “giving back to the Community”?   Is it really?  Tell me—exactly what, tangibly, has “the community” -Already-  done for you, that you would feel some legitimate “Need” to “give back”?   Did the community pay off your student loan?  Buy your first house?  Your car?  Pay your medical bills?  No? So what exactly are you giving back”?  No one seems to know. Or they wont say.

Most of the so-called “giving back” is often just for –Recognition and one’s own image.

So! You went on a run and “Raced-for-the-Cure”? Because you “care”?   Do you really? Or do you “Care” about wearing the ribbon you got for participating, to work the next day so several people will ask you what it is and you can tell them all how you “cared” and were “giving back”?  Now you can feel better about yourself cuz you’ve one-upmanshipped them and can tell yourself you “cared more” than they did and how you “made a difference”.  Is that your idea of happiness?   And yet many people do this.

Would they have participated and gave back if they couldnt tell anyone about it?  I wonder. Imagine you are stranded on a warm island with no wild animals to attack you and plenty of fruit growing everywhere but—-no other people on the island.  You are alone. There is no “community” to “give back” to. and so—-is Happiness impossible?  What would you do to be “whole and Integrated and grounded and to feel positive”?  Ask yourself this! I believe its a good test.

….and on it goes, with advice, therapies, programs, techniques, revelations, etc…..and so i ask:  after we’ve all finally:

become more assertive, eaten more fiber and flaxseed, drink more water, had more massages, get more sleep, get promoted,  cleansed our bodies of toxins, seperated ourselves from Toxic people, practiced more Mindfulness, gotten more hugs, attended more seminars…….what then?    What is positive emotional and grounded health?  Is anybody Healthy?   –theOwl30       PS—scroll down and read another 8 or 10 of my posts. I write/post about a variety of topics. Comment on anything.   🙂

Bad Dates & Bad TV

There are many things that I don’t want to talk about on a 1st date. Or maybe any other time, too. And some things I’m totally sick of seeing on TV, sad and legitimate though they may be. Some are super-boring and some, while there may be a genuine need for help, are just “shoved-in-your-face” over and over and over and over on TV until you are worn out and now disgusted to see them at all.

Can I watch just ONE solid 7 day week of TV and NOT see any commercials whatsoever about:

  1. Bladder leakage products
  2.  Cancer-kids
  3.  Wounded warriors
  4.  Animal cruelty
  5.  starving people in foreign countries

The need may be real, but the relentless overkill frequency of the commercials gives one “compassion fatigue” and becomes a real turn-off.   That said, some topics are super-boring when you meet a new person, or even afterwards. For me, I really bored silly over anyone wanting to talk about:

  1.  “giving back” to the “community” or “making a difference”. Bleeaaaughh.  GO AWAY. Now!
  2.  Anything Vegan, gluten-free, or how anyone is allegic to this and that and that and wants 4 accommodations whenever they go to any restaurant and interrogate the servers.
  3.  Liberals, social “justice” warriors.
  4.  the middle east
  5.  Climate change and/or the Environment
  6.  “Lightworkers”, quantum theory anything, Ekhart Tolle, Deepok Chopra or Oprah.
  7.  People who love to keep deciding that this or that isn’t really “Appropriate”.
  8. . people who are late, lax, unreliable and then say everything is “no big deal”.

What can I say? Good help is hard to find. But worth looking for.

How People Feel: taking another look

I am surprised that I haven’t seen or read of someone else already mentioning this, so I thought I’d share.

Chances are, you’ve already heard it said, many times, that: “people may not remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”

Chances are, most of us reading that would easily agree with it and feel its true. And so, we leave it at that. We believe its true, we agree, and we pretty-much stop thinking about it and leave it right there.  I’ve don’t that myself, too.

And that is sort of the problem. We’ve stopped thinking any further.

I am being more watchful of the people who say that. Are they practicing what they preach? Are they setting an example? (They want everyone else to). Are they “walking-the-walk?” Or are they hypocrites?

And then you get the people who are uncaringly hurtful verbally and repeatedly and they try to justify it by quickly saying: “I’m just being honest. I call a spade, a spade.” (As if nobody else does). Do either of these people really care how *they* make others feel? But they want you to care. And be aware. And be watchful of yourself.

We can see similar things going on in other areas of life, too, like: :

It’s all-the-rage these days. Seemingly everybody-and-their-dog loves to rave on about:

  1. “giving back” and–
  2.  “making a difference” but—-8 times out of 10, they’re really  more concerned about getting recognition and praise for “making a difference” (would they have still done whatever if they couldn’t tell anyone they did it? I wonder. I really do) and——- for all the politically correct talk about giving-back-to-the-community, these same people never seem to be able to tell you exactly, specifically, WHAT did the “the community” ever do for them in the first place that they would feel the need to “give back?”  You will likely see a big Blank here, as apparently not 1 person in 50 will verbalize or specify anything definite.

Kindness to others is a good and positive thing, but It would appear that the problem is that too often when things are True, its easy for us to say: yeah, that’s true, I believe it…….and then not do it, or practice it.  Even the Golden Rule. And at other times, to do good, but to be unable or unwilling to tell others why we do it. Like “making a difference”. Suppose you were stranded on a sunny island with lots of abundant fruit growing and a fresh water stream and no wild animals, but no other people on the island. Now you cant do anything for others. How will you “make a difference?” There’s no one else there, to do anything for. What will you do? Would life automatically be meaningless? Could you still find a way to be Happy?