Frank James and 16 Personalities at the Therapist

Frank James has some funny Youtube videos, like this one:

 

How to get even with a Narcissist by Stephanie Lyn

Narcissism stinks. And you don’t have to just sit there and take it.

It’s time you got even.  Meet Stephanie Lyn, a Life Coach. This is a good video. She is believable and helpful.

“My Opinion” – the Narcissist’s Revenge?

Maybe this has happened to you.  You have been dealing with a Narcissist. This person often minimizes what you say, or ignores it with no response at all, or ridicules it, or acts like they know better than you—and if you call them out or confront them on it, then they say that they are not criticizing, or  minimizing, but that they just disagree and you are wrong from:  “their Perspective”.   Its “their opinion” and they are entitled to their opinion, just like you are. Now what?

My response is:  they have a right to their opinion, but  nnoooooobody, disagrees  *that* much! There must be something else, or something more, going on.

They hide behind “Subjectivity gone wild”.   It’s all feelings. They aren’t reasoning with you as an adult.

 

 

 

Is anybody Healthy or together?

I enjoy reading about Psychology, personality disorders and happiness.

There is no shortage of advice out there, with tons of people who have become Life Coaches, Therapists, Counselors, Intuitives and on and on, all with their own “paths to wholeness”, advice, methods, etc.  And it gets me asking some things:

  1. Is *anybody*   “whole”, healthy and “together”??   Is everybody “broken”?  What does a Positive Emotional Health look like? and just what is the right advice to follow?

Is it all about…… “letting go”?  Is that the answer?  Or— “setting Boundaries”?   Or  “being mindful”?  Or communicating better at work?  And at home?  Or getting more Sleep? Or “trusting your Heart”? or better Time Management?  Or being more alert and sensitive to spiritual “energies”?  Is it about cutting people out of your Life who annoy you?

Is it all of those things? And—–after you have finally done them, what then?  Will you be happy?   Would you settle for “less miserable”?   What will you do to put more positive Pleasure into your individual Life?

Is it all about “giving back to the Community”?   Is it really?  Tell me—exactly what, tangibly, has “the community” -Already-  done for you, that you would feel some legitimate “Need” to “give back”?   Did the community pay off your student loan?  Buy your first house?  Your car?  Pay your medical bills?  No? So what exactly are you giving back”?  No one seems to know. Or they wont say.

Most of the so-called “giving back” is often just for –Recognition and one’s own image.

So! You went on a run and “Raced-for-the-Cure”? Because you “care”?   Do you really? Or do you “Care” about wearing the ribbon you got for participating, to work the next day so several people will ask you what it is and you can tell them all how you “cared” and were “giving back”?  Now you can feel better about yourself cuz you’ve one-upmanshipped them and can tell yourself you “cared more” than they did and how you “made a difference”.  Is that your idea of happiness?   And yet many people do this.

Would they have participated and gave back if they couldnt tell anyone about it?  I wonder. Imagine you are stranded on a warm island with no wild animals to attack you and plenty of fruit growing everywhere but—-no other people on the island.  You are alone. There is no “community” to “give back” to. and so—-is Happiness impossible?  What would you do to be “whole and Integrated and grounded and to feel positive”?  Ask yourself this! I believe its a good test.

….and on it goes, with advice, therapies, programs, techniques, revelations, etc…..and so i ask:  after we’ve all finally:

become more assertive, eaten more fiber and flaxseed, drink more water, had more massages, get more sleep, get promoted,  cleansed our bodies of toxins, seperated ourselves from Toxic people, practiced more Mindfulness, gotten more hugs, attended more seminars…….what then?    What is positive emotional and grounded health?  Is anybody Healthy?   –theOwl30       PS—scroll down and read another 8 or 10 of my posts. I write/post about a variety of topics. Comment on anything.   🙂

Busy is Bad.

“How’s it goin’?”   …and people will say: “Busy”.

“Hey! We’re all gettin’ together next thursday night, should be fun, wanna join us?” ……and you might hear: “Let me check my Calendar”

It seems like people just cant be happy unless they are “Busy”.  Too bad for *them!* Because much, much too often, their busy-ness means they are too busy for FUN.  And they miss out.  Over-committed. To things they don’t enjoy.  Yes, *do* be responsible, but I’ll bet 80% of the things you have written on your calendar, the reminders, are NOT for things that are fun. Or enjoyable. But nonetheless, you volunteered or said you’d  do them.  So there you are. Booked up. Over-committed and too busy, for EnJOYment. Where’s the JOY?

I suspect alot of them don’t care. Who knows, maybe they are more into “seeming important” by having all these things going on. So maybe their idea of “success” is more important to them than FUN. Or Enjoyment! They will tell themselves they are “being responsibile”.  We all should be, but thats the default setting. We want to Elevate above that, and be (dare i say it?)  Happy!   🙂

In some cases it may be even worse than that. Maybe they aren’t really busy but lie and say they are. Why would they do that? Perhaps they feel a life that isnt busy is “unproductive” or boring and so they are nearly paranoid about LOOKING like a real go-getter and it sounds more politically correct to be “Busy”.  Some people may even think of feeling happy as a “luxury” and resign themselves to drudgery. But thats just trying to paint a politically-correct face, on depression.  What makes you SMILE? Come Alive! Gives you Zest and enthusiasm?  Good emotions, are good for you! Remember that.

Being “Busy” is a fad.  But they can have it.  I dont want it. With no regrets whatsoever. I want to live a life, a happy life, without even owning any Day Planner at all.  With as *little*  crammed onto my Calendar as possible, so that—-I will have MAXIMUM unscheduled-free-time!!– to be AVAILABLE and OPEN to any FUN when it comes along.   To bad for the rest of you “Busy” suckers.

“How’s it goin’, Owl?”

Me: “FANTASTIC!  I have the JOY of FREE time to do whatever I want at a moments notice, or not, however I choose.  I am NOT “in a hurry” and NOT having any ulcers worrying about all these places i hafta be because I’m scheduled so “tight”, like so many other poor suckers. And I don’t have to worry about meetings or traffic or being late. How YOU doin’?”  haha

Them: well, busy.

Me: Maybe you just suck at Time Management.

Let that sink in.  And then sink in some more. And then ask yourself:

  1. When was the last time I drove to the Beach, sat on a driftwood log eating a sandwich and listening to the powerful ocean waves and the seagulls and feeling the misty air?

2. When was the last time I “cleared my schedule” and  spent from 10am til 10pm with my sweetie?

3. When was the last time I had the house to myself, NO CALLS, and sat in my favorite recliner with some soft background music while i spent all day reading a book that I bought?

4. When was the last time i took myself out to lunch, spent all afternoon leisurely walking around the Mall, then having another bite to eat for dinner and then going to see a movie in a big-screen Theatre?

5. When was the last time I filled up the gas tank in the car and got on the freeway and took a scenic drive, 3 hours one way, just to unwind, get out of town and have a refreshing change of scenery?

Them: welllll, I’d like to  but, I’m, um, busy.

Me: That’s right. you are.  And who’s fault is that? And you’re so “busy” that you don’t have Time:   for FUN, for DATES, for day-trips, for unwinding & quiet time….and Life is passing you by!

Bad Dates & Bad TV

There are many things that I don’t want to talk about on a 1st date. Or maybe any other time, too. And some things I’m totally sick of seeing on TV, sad and legitimate though they may be. Some are super-boring and some, while there may be a genuine need for help, are just “shoved-in-your-face” over and over and over and over on TV until you are worn out and now disgusted to see them at all.

Can I watch just ONE solid 7 day week of TV and NOT see any commercials whatsoever about:

  1. Bladder leakage products
  2.  Cancer-kids
  3.  Wounded warriors
  4.  Animal cruelty
  5.  starving people in foreign countries

The need may be real, but the relentless overkill frequency of the commercials gives one “compassion fatigue” and becomes a real turn-off.   That said, some topics are super-boring when you meet a new person, or even afterwards. For me, I really bored silly over anyone wanting to talk about:

  1.  “giving back” to the “community” or “making a difference”. Bleeaaaughh.  GO AWAY. Now!
  2.  Anything Vegan, gluten-free, or how anyone is allegic to this and that and that and wants 4 accommodations whenever they go to any restaurant and interrogate the servers.
  3.  Liberals, social “justice” warriors.
  4.  the middle east
  5.  Climate change and/or the Environment
  6.  “Lightworkers”, quantum theory anything, Ekhart Tolle, Deepok Chopra or Oprah.
  7.  People who love to keep deciding that this or that isn’t really “Appropriate”.
  8. . people who are late, lax, unreliable and then say everything is “no big deal”.

What can I say? Good help is hard to find. But worth looking for.

How People Feel: taking another look

I am surprised that I haven’t seen or read of someone else already mentioning this, so I thought I’d share.

Chances are, you’ve already heard it said, many times, that: “people may not remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”

Chances are, most of us reading that would easily agree with it and feel its true. And so, we leave it at that. We believe its true, we agree, and we pretty-much stop thinking about it and leave it right there.  I’ve don’t that myself, too.

And that is sort of the problem. We’ve stopped thinking any further.

I am being more watchful of the people who say that. Are they practicing what they preach? Are they setting an example? (They want everyone else to). Are they “walking-the-walk?” Or are they hypocrites?

And then you get the people who are uncaringly hurtful verbally and repeatedly and they try to justify it by quickly saying: “I’m just being honest. I call a spade, a spade.” (As if nobody else does). Do either of these people really care how *they* make others feel? But they want you to care. And be aware. And be watchful of yourself.

We can see similar things going on in other areas of life, too, like: :

It’s all-the-rage these days. Seemingly everybody-and-their-dog loves to rave on about:

  1. “giving back” and–
  2.  “making a difference” but—-8 times out of 10, they’re really  more concerned about getting recognition and praise for “making a difference” (would they have still done whatever if they couldn’t tell anyone they did it? I wonder. I really do) and——- for all the politically correct talk about giving-back-to-the-community, these same people never seem to be able to tell you exactly, specifically, WHAT did the “the community” ever do for them in the first place that they would feel the need to “give back?”  You will likely see a big Blank here, as apparently not 1 person in 50 will verbalize or specify anything definite.

Kindness to others is a good and positive thing, but It would appear that the problem is that too often when things are True, its easy for us to say: yeah, that’s true, I believe it…….and then not do it, or practice it.  Even the Golden Rule. And at other times, to do good, but to be unable or unwilling to tell others why we do it. Like “making a difference”. Suppose you were stranded on a sunny island with lots of abundant fruit growing and a fresh water stream and no wild animals, but no other people on the island. Now you cant do anything for others. How will you “make a difference?” There’s no one else there, to do anything for. What will you do? Would life automatically be meaningless? Could you still find a way to be Happy?

Happiness & “connections”

There seems to be a lot of talk these days in Psychology and self-help about finding happiness by having good “connections.”

People say its not what you have, but who we have. But if you believe that, then as soon as you’re 85 or older and have outlived your friends and are alone, then you are instantly not happy, because your connections have passed away and you’ve outlived them. So, unless you’ve also made new ones, you will be alone. And if you are alone, you aren’t “connected”. And if you aren’t connected, how can you still be happy if you believe this current fad? If all of your happiness is in “connections” but you have outlived your connections, is it now instant sadness? How can it not be, if your happiness is dependent on that, and the current writers on “connections” seem to put all of their eggs in that basket. I don’t see them offering anything else!

So if they pin all of their hope for happiness on that, and it dries-up and goes away, what then? Will you ever find Joy in living again?  This goes unaddressed in todays raving about having good connections.

While connections can definitely give us Joy, the real question is: could you, still find joy, even without them? This does not mean that we seek or want to be alone, only that our life is not automatically ruined if we are. But that part isn’t  being much talked about. Challenge the book-writers. Dare to question those who have a degree.

Things I don’t give a DAMN about on a 1st date (and long after, too)

“Do we have anything in common”?  That’s the Magic question.

Finding a sweetie who is a “kindred spirit” can be wonderful. And—if they are “into” the wrong things, can be just as easily bbooorrrrrrrriinnngggg!!!

That said, when I’m on a date, I don’t wanna hear about (in no particular order):

1.Community Activism or “making a difference”. At all. Go away. Boring as hell.

2. Climate change or the landfills or over-population.

3.  The Middle east.

4. New Age “Lightworkers”, Deepok Chopra or Oprah.

5. Recycling, composting or a vegan diet or anything about gluten-free.

6. Special needs anything or wounded warriors –(sad as they are).

7. Classical music, oil paintings or opera’s.

Having said that, now…go forth and be interesting!

 

 

The Clifton Strengths Finder & the 34 Strengths

Ever have one of one of those moments where you could kick yourself for not paying more attention to something useful, earlier?  Learning more about Psychology and Personality and abilities can be fun. And useful.

Meet: The Clifton Strengths Finder. You can find out what your Top 5 Strengths are.

What comes easy to you? What do you already do well? What are you already strong in? Instead of focusing so much on “overcoming weaknesses”, why not take your strengths and really develop them into something dazzling? Let your competence and abilities Shine!

Here, on YouTube, Tim Collins starts with educating us about the 34 strengths. There is a video for each strength. Many of these are under 2 minutes, and informative!  Thanks, Tim Collins.

Service is over-rated.

Service, is overrated! Serving humanity. “A life of service.”

” Giving Back to the Community. ”

So that we can “Make a difference”.

And feel “empowered”.

Funny how no one ever spells out exactly what “the Community” ever already did for them, personally, so that they would ever feel any need to “give back” in the first place!

Its not that doing good things for others is bad, I’m not saying that. But its overrated. Far too many people do it so they can tell others that they did. They want the recognition.

To show they “cared”. And “made a difference”. Now, they get to feel “empowered.” And they “gave back to the Community” more than you did. It goes too far. And “being of service” far too often becomes a matter of putting burdens and a sense of obligation and Duty onto others –and ourselves!

Far too many people “give back” so that they can wear the pin or ribbon they got for “serving” to work the next day, so folks will ask them what that is, and maybe then they can 1-upmanship you and say how they “cared” enough to “make a difference” and now they “feel empowered” .

How much Volunteerism would really get done if you couldn’t tell anyone that you did it?

And, just suppose, what if loving  and seeking God counted more than how many sandwiches you made at the Soup kitchen, or how many fundraisers you went to, or marathons you ran in?  What if understanding spiritual laws and developing yourself spiritually counts more in the afterlife than your last fundraiser?

In the Bible, Jesus says in Matthew, chapter 22, verse 37 that the greatest commandment is that “you shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your soul and all of your mind.” In the very next verse,  verse 38, he adds that “This is the first and great commandment.”  After that, if you continue reading further, he goes on to say that the second  great commandment is “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

In my opinion, the problem today is that too many people are trying to do the 2nd commandment and ignoring the 1st.

While Charity and doing good works are commendable, i feel that “Making a Difference” is todays politically-correct all-the-rage FAD. Everyone-and-their-dog wants to “make a difference” –and while kindness is good,  “service” and  “giving back” can become a burden that robs you of  pleasure and Joy!

Don’t let it. Too much service can drain you emotionally. Some, is good. But watch out– it can become  “Duty gone wild”. And people really can get “compassion fatigue”. No matter how much you do, you can’t save the world.  It’s important to “feel alive!” , to have some Zest in life and to FEEL like smiling! Activists burn out. So do group organizers. Service becomes their “religion” or a 1-upmanship game with them to show everyone how much the “cared”.  But many of them don’t look happy. They may tell themselves they are doing the right thing, but when they are away from “the Cause”, how enthusiastic (about Life-in-general) are they? How often do they laugh? Very likely, not enough. I say: being a helpful coworker, yes. Being a sincere & reliable friend, yes. But being a service-fanatic or community-activist so you can “look good” around others, naaah.  What if you were stranded alone on a large island and couldn’t do anything for someone else? Would that make your Life meaningless?

I don’t always agree with Alan Watts, especially when he talks (in other videos) about “the Self”. Bleeaugh! But on some other things, I think he makes good points. But we all must decide for ourselves.

 

Psychology. Is Your Therapist Good or Bad? 12 Questions to help decide.

Psychology. Is your Therapist a good one or a bad one? Former  Psychotherapist Daniel Mackler asks 12 questions.  In any profession, or academic study, I enjoy it when those with inside knowledge are willing to offer a Critique. What do you think? Does he have any valid points?