Empathy, Helping, Serving others & the Internet

Do you believe in Empathy? Compassion? “being of service to others”? Yes? Those things are “all the rage” these days. And so I ask: Have you noticed? For all of the importance and value so many people put on those things, consider this:

Not so many years ago, if someone else asked you if you knew of any website, book, or article that they could read that would inform them more about Whatever topic, you would have likely said: Oh, you should read the book (insert book title here), or go to the website _____________.  That–would have been “being of service” or helpful to others, or maybe even compassionate.

But today, people largely don’t do that. Instead, people just say: Google it. Or—“look it up”. You’re on your own. No one cares. “Look it up” is the answer to everything.

Ha! So much for “having empathy” Or “being of service”.  As if “sharing knowledge” and “being helpful” has gone out of style.  Even though people can’t stop talking about how important it all is in so many other spiritual ways, and in business, or school, or everyday life. Yeah, right.

 

Your Blogging New Year’s Resolution

Blogging is fun. With Blogging, we can express ourselves. We can share our opinions.

Or can we? You can’t post, or share your opinions and views if you don’t have any! Do you? I am amazed about how so many bloggers won’t take any definite stand, on what *they* blog about.  Usually, when someone replies to a post they made and asks any questions about it, even politely.

They “wimp out.” They won’t be definite about anything. But they must (you would think) have some opinion. After all, they are the one who brought up the topic. But there are far too many things like:
“Wellll, it’s complicated.”  Reply: In other words, you didn’t think it through very much at all before you made your first or opening-post on what you wrote about.   Or–

“That’s a good question”. Reply: in other words, you’ve been stopped in your tracks and don’t have a comeback. Or—

“It’s not that simple.”  Reply: People always say that when they dont wanna defend their view (or can’t) or when they don’t wanna commit themself or take any definite stand. But again, it must matter to them. They, brought it up.  Or—

“I think there needs to be a balance.” Reply: I’m not even sure that that “sounds good” anymore. Because people will say that, and then—Poof! Nothing more. Zero. Nada. They won’t even say what balance is to them, or where they would draw-the-line, and why there. Nope. End of discussion. All conversation on that topic stops.

And so—-for 2018, and on, try harder not to be a timid, non-committal, politically-correct, mousy Wimp! Take a stand!

It’s YOUR Topic. How do you feel about it? What do you think about it? Why? Be passionate. About whatever interests you. Have a foundation and basis for your view, whatever it is. And share that.  You’ll be ten times more interesting than if you wimp-out and say, “welll, it all depends”……

Service in Restaurants

Hello! And welcome to another exciting adventure.  Roam through my last 20 posts. Who knows what might interest you? I post about several different topics, not just one.

Today, I have a question: What is going on, with the service in family restaurants?  I keep getting waited-on by one of two types of waiters/waitresses: Either they:

A) are wonderfully cheerful & friendly, but spacey and not-with-it, write down your order wrong, say they’ll bring you steak sauce or more coffee and then forget, then you finish eating and wait, and wait, for your ticket/check. They’re just not alert. OR–

B) They are “right-ON-it! You get seated immediately, but they hardly give you any time to look at the menu, they come for your order, they DO get it right, you get coffee and silverware right away. You have napkins, salt-n-pepper, Jelly, ketchup, water, everything you need….but there is ZERO small talk. Barely even any smile. Efficient but cold. Strictly business.

So, it’s either Warm but spacey, or efficient but cold.  One, or the other. Good Luck on getting both together at the same time. What gives? It doesn’t appear that Christmas really has anything to do with this. Sigh. Life in our time…

HSP. Highly Sensitive Person.

I didn’t know it was “a thing”. Or is it? What do *you* think about it?

All of a sudden I am seeing posts written about something called a HSP, a “Highly Sensitive Person.”

I can understand being an Introvert. Some folks need more alone time. Or aren’t as talkative. But—

I just shake my head over this one. I am not a psychologist, but in my everyday layman’s opinion—this takes Introversion to a whole new level. If it were on-the-job, I have a hard time seeing how it *wouldn’t* be a disability! My opinion.

It is even tempting to say this is a new “fad ailment” or even a very slick passive-aggressive way of manipulating others. Here’s how: Many people back-down when with an overbearing, “aggressive/naricissist/”steamroller” type of person. We are walking on eggshells. We give-in just to “keep the peace”. But this Highly Sensitive Person stuff could be the other end of the scale. In this case, likewise, you can easily be on eggshells as you have to be constantly alert, not wanting to offend, overwhelm or hurt the HSP. But in both cases, YOU are the one who is on-guard, changing *your* behavior, making all sorts of accomodations, while the other person gets their way, with you. Passive-Aggressive manipulation? But there’s more–

To say it quite plainly, you simply cannot be yourself with these people! And that shouldn’t be, in a healthy relationship. So many things “overwhelm” them. It’s too draining.

Each interaction is all about being careful. And you have to do it, because if you don’t you can be immediately slapped with being “selfish, uncaring or insensitive”. This could be a very slick way of “playing helpless” and a passive-aggressive way of getting others to bend to the HSP’s wants and needs. Just the opposite end of the scale from dealing with “the Steamroller.”

But perhaps it IS a real medical “thing”, being an HSP. But if that’s the case, how many of us signed up to become caregivers? Imagine a high-school girl going on a first date with someone like this, and she dumps him after the first date. When asked why she did that, she replies: “he was boring and everything bothered him. I hope he can find happiness but I’m not his nurse. He was too draining. And there are 6 other guys I can go out with who would be more fun.” I can see that. Easily!

But what if it isn’t a medical condition? Is it? Some of the things I read about it make it sound, to me,  a bit related to Autism. But I’m not a Doctor.  Either way, I believe in sincere friendships, and helping someone through a rough patch in Life. However, I’ll bet that people like this (HSP) will very likely still be like this 8 yrs. later. I feel they need help beyond what I can give them. Even if they don’t need help, it becomes too taxing to continue being so on-guard with them each time we are together and making one accomodation after another. Being considerate and caring are good things, but they can also sometimes become an endless Black Hole. And I believe “Compassion fatigue” is also a real thing.
#HSP #Manipulation #Passive-Aggressive #HighlySensitivePerson #Depression #Psychology

Personality Types. 16 Types.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indictor (MBTI) has 16 Personality profiles. Which type are you?

There are descriptions of all 16 types from PersonalityPlaybook.com here: http://personalityplaybook.com/the-16-types/

I also recommend the Book: Life Types by Hirsch & Kummerow. Very informative. Amazon.com should have it.  Happy reading! Comments always welcome.  –theOwl30

#PersonalityTypes #16Types #Myers-Briggs

 

 

Living an Adult Life Should Still Have Joy

In my opinion, the sad part of being an Adult is that too often people behave as if they believe that Adulthood means they have to go through Life much more serious about everything.

Responsibility is a good thing and part of being a good adult. But they don’t have to become a Workaholic, or join committees, or put in too much overtime, and then pride themself on how “motivated” they are but–have no life outside of their career!
Nearly “All drudgery, all the time!”
All in the name of being responsible.
But not much Joy.
It’s interesting. You ask them “what’s goin’ on?” and it’s nearly always about how they are so “busy” running lots of errands and going to the bank, paying their phone bill, their heat bill, seeing the dentist, mowing their lawn, giving their car a tune up, etc.

OK, so they have it together. That’s good. We should get those things done.
The bad and sad part is: That’s it!
With far too few exceptions. Where is the Fun?
—and it is much, much too rare that you see, or hear, them talk about any funny movie they saw, or any beach-trip they took, or a new restaurant they ate in, or a new book they read, or that they went bowling or played pool, Rode a bike, hiked a trail, had a picnic or spent 2 hrs. in the Mall for fun?
Nope. 100 excuses.
They are just “too busy”. Or,
It costs too much (it doesn’t), it’s too far to go (it really isn’t) , or they’re just “not into that” (but they used to like it). And I don’t just mean partying.
Even seeing a movie in a theatre doesn’t happen anywhere near like it used to. Maybe later this summer. If they “have time”. Busyness and “getting my stuff done” has become almost like a new drug, (or at least a boring rut).

They don’t see it that way at all.
After all, there’s work to be done. (Only? They will say no but what else do they do?)
That’s their right and they are not here to live up to what I think is best. After all, it’s their life.

But I notice:
A) Their Life is losing it’s former variety, and becoming quite a bit more repetitive.
B) While becoming more Adult, their increased “maturity” has caused them to have less of a sense of humor. They get embaressed more easily. (God only knows why). I’m not talking about anything wild or outrageous or glaring, but just too on guard in public about what anyone might see or hear and too worried about it. But most people don’t care. They probably won’t even notice. But the alertness and concern persists.
C) For some reason, Etiquette sometimes becomes a game of: they were more polite or considerate than you were. Example: you went out to eat and you left a tip. But they had to leave a bigger one.

One more thing: I have sometimes joked that if I live to be 85, I’ll be wild and shake my Tush like Elvis. Most people laugh when they hear that. And admire that spirit of being playful even in old age.
But then, isn’t it sad when as Adults, we don’t “let our hair down” at 50 yrs. old even if it’s 2 notches down from that? All in the name of “maturity”, but where’s the Joy?

#20-Somethings #Adulthood #Growth #PersonalGrowth #Happiness #Life #Career #Teens #Goals #Psychology #SelfImage