1st Dates gone wrong

Ahhh, looking back on it all . . . (shakes head).  Some first-dates that went wrong:

#1.  Her: You could come over after we leave here…

Me:  You *are* single, aren’t you?

Her: Well….kind of. He’s not living with me.

Me: But legally, you’re still married, right?

Her: well, yeah….

Me: But I already said, right in the very beginning before we met, that I was looking for someone legally single or who’s divorce was Finalized.

(It all went downhill from there. I didn’t come over. No 2nd date).

#2. This date, we met for a drink downtown.  Actually, I felt the conversation was going quite well, and she was attractive, and then, completely out of nowhere and not related to anything we had been talking about, she asks me:  “SO! Do you Recycle?”  (I’m serious, she really asked that—WTF??)

Me: Umm, No, I don’t. I just dump it all in one big garbage can.

and then her bottom lip actually started to quiver a bit,  as she looked me right in the eyes with this worried look –and she said:  But  (quiver)…what…what about the LAND-fill?!?

(Ohhhh, brother!  Yeah, it went rapidly downhill from there. I was this loser-inconsiderate-Bum (or whatever she felt about me) because I didn’t care about the Planet, etc.   Sigh.

#3.  Her hair was shampooed. Slender figure, Skirt-n-blouse outfit looked nice. She probably just got off work. We sat down at our table. It wasn’t 3 minutes into it and she asks: SO! Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?

Me: (oh, God! Am i going out with the manager of Personnel?).  Probably still living in this city and  enjoying Life right here.   (I could tell that that wasn’t Aggressive or Goal-oriented enough, even though I was working full-time and paying my bills on time and had my own car and place away from my parents).  Maybe i should have said I would become the National CEO of Bank of America and then buy the 3 largest Castles in all of Italy. . .

4. This woman also invited me to her place. And she was single. I get there and she has me sit in her kitchen and offers me Herb Tea.  She sits in another chair, also in the kitchen, but her chair is right in front of –an artist’s EASEL …and I get to sit and watch her do “toll-painting”.  But hey, its only the first date, right?  But there’s hardly any conversation, either. She’s sooo focused on each of her little painting-details, right in front of me. No, she isn’t painting me, either. I try to make conversation but she hardly says a word and gives very short, almost “robot” answers.  One time, it was a sunny day and we were sitting in grass and she picked up a flower and sorta teasingly said: He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves not. He loves me. Then she smiled.  But nothing happened. Every time I came over, once again, she kept doing more painting, every time! We never even kissed. Finally, I once asked: Do you want to go out with me or do you wanna keep doing painting? and she says she has to get it done. And yet, she kept having me over. I gave up. Too boring.  and I had waited. Forget sex, we weren’t doing ANYTHING together! No movies, No road trips, no sports, no games. We didn’t go to the Mall. Toooo boring. I moved on.

#5. We met for a Pizza. She arrives. She’s too fat. By quite alot.  I’m not perfect, but seriously, I DO know that I can do better. But I’ll be nice and make the most of it. The Pizza comes, its good, and at least the conversation wasn’t awkward.  Until—-

She asks:  (looking straight at me!) SO! Have you ever “done it” in a Bath-tub full of Lime Jello?  (Yes, she really asked that).

Me: (pause)….welll, no. Can’t say that I’ve tried that one…..

Later, I thanked her but never called back.  That was years ago.

And to think, for all of these dates, we DID meet in a public place, first.  Those were all years ago. But i still remember.  (smiles to self) Life goes on . . . .

 

Frank James and 16 Personalities at the Therapist

Frank James has some funny Youtube videos, like this one:

 

Busy is Bad.

“How’s it goin’?”   …and people will say: “Busy”.

“Hey! We’re all gettin’ together next thursday night, should be fun, wanna join us?” ……and you might hear: “Let me check my Calendar”

It seems like people just cant be happy unless they are “Busy”.  Too bad for *them!* Because much, much too often, their busy-ness means they are too busy for FUN.  And they miss out.  Over-committed. To things they don’t enjoy.  Yes, *do* be responsible, but I’ll bet 80% of the things you have written on your calendar, the reminders, are NOT for things that are fun. Or enjoyable. But nonetheless, you volunteered or said you’d  do them.  So there you are. Booked up. Over-committed and too busy, for EnJOYment. Where’s the JOY?

I suspect alot of them don’t care. Who knows, maybe they are more into “seeming important” by having all these things going on. So maybe their idea of “success” is more important to them than FUN. Or Enjoyment! They will tell themselves they are “being responsibile”.  We all should be, but thats the default setting. We want to Elevate above that, and be (dare i say it?)  Happy!   🙂

In some cases it may be even worse than that. Maybe they aren’t really busy but lie and say they are. Why would they do that? Perhaps they feel a life that isnt busy is “unproductive” or boring and so they are nearly paranoid about LOOKING like a real go-getter and it sounds more politically correct to be “Busy”.  Some people may even think of feeling happy as a “luxury” and resign themselves to drudgery. But thats just trying to paint a politically-correct face, on depression.  What makes you SMILE? Come Alive! Gives you Zest and enthusiasm?  Good emotions, are good for you! Remember that.

Being “Busy” is a fad.  But they can have it.  I dont want it. With no regrets whatsoever. I want to live a life, a happy life, without even owning any Day Planner at all.  With as *little*  crammed onto my Calendar as possible, so that—-I will have MAXIMUM unscheduled-free-time!!– to be AVAILABLE and OPEN to any FUN when it comes along.   To bad for the rest of you “Busy” suckers.

“How’s it goin’, Owl?”

Me: “FANTASTIC!  I have the JOY of FREE time to do whatever I want at a moments notice, or not, however I choose.  I am NOT “in a hurry” and NOT having any ulcers worrying about all these places i hafta be because I’m scheduled so “tight”, like so many other poor suckers. And I don’t have to worry about meetings or traffic or being late. How YOU doin’?”  haha

Them: well, busy.

Me: Maybe you just suck at Time Management.

Let that sink in.  And then sink in some more. And then ask yourself:

  1. When was the last time I drove to the Beach, sat on a driftwood log eating a sandwich and listening to the powerful ocean waves and the seagulls and feeling the misty air?

2. When was the last time I “cleared my schedule” and  spent from 10am til 10pm with my sweetie?

3. When was the last time I had the house to myself, NO CALLS, and sat in my favorite recliner with some soft background music while i spent all day reading a book that I bought?

4. When was the last time i took myself out to lunch, spent all afternoon leisurely walking around the Mall, then having another bite to eat for dinner and then going to see a movie in a big-screen Theatre?

5. When was the last time I filled up the gas tank in the car and got on the freeway and took a scenic drive, 3 hours one way, just to unwind, get out of town and have a refreshing change of scenery?

Them: welllll, I’d like to  but, I’m, um, busy.

Me: That’s right. you are.  And who’s fault is that? And you’re so “busy” that you don’t have Time:   for FUN, for DATES, for day-trips, for unwinding & quiet time….and Life is passing you by!

How People Feel: taking another look

I am surprised that I haven’t seen or read of someone else already mentioning this, so I thought I’d share.

Chances are, you’ve already heard it said, many times, that: “people may not remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”

Chances are, most of us reading that would easily agree with it and feel its true. And so, we leave it at that. We believe its true, we agree, and we pretty-much stop thinking about it and leave it right there.  I’ve don’t that myself, too.

And that is sort of the problem. We’ve stopped thinking any further.

I am being more watchful of the people who say that. Are they practicing what they preach? Are they setting an example? (They want everyone else to). Are they “walking-the-walk?” Or are they hypocrites?

And then you get the people who are uncaringly hurtful verbally and repeatedly and they try to justify it by quickly saying: “I’m just being honest. I call a spade, a spade.” (As if nobody else does). Do either of these people really care how *they* make others feel? But they want you to care. And be aware. And be watchful of yourself.

We can see similar things going on in other areas of life, too, like: :

It’s all-the-rage these days. Seemingly everybody-and-their-dog loves to rave on about:

  1. “giving back” and–
  2.  “making a difference” but—-8 times out of 10, they’re really  more concerned about getting recognition and praise for “making a difference” (would they have still done whatever if they couldn’t tell anyone they did it? I wonder. I really do) and——- for all the politically correct talk about giving-back-to-the-community, these same people never seem to be able to tell you exactly, specifically, WHAT did the “the community” ever do for them in the first place that they would feel the need to “give back?”  You will likely see a big Blank here, as apparently not 1 person in 50 will verbalize or specify anything definite.

Kindness to others is a good and positive thing, but It would appear that the problem is that too often when things are True, its easy for us to say: yeah, that’s true, I believe it…….and then not do it, or practice it.  Even the Golden Rule. And at other times, to do good, but to be unable or unwilling to tell others why we do it. Like “making a difference”. Suppose you were stranded on a sunny island with lots of abundant fruit growing and a fresh water stream and no wild animals, but no other people on the island. Now you cant do anything for others. How will you “make a difference?” There’s no one else there, to do anything for. What will you do? Would life automatically be meaningless? Could you still find a way to be Happy?

Travis Heinze, Cops and Youtube

Some people you just have to see, or Hear, to believe. Like Travis Heinze, on Youtube.

I guess this guy has no job, lives in his vehicle, drives around to different cities filming parts of the towns and makes Youtube videos. But he also creates a huge amount of trouble for himself with Law Enforcement, needlessly. Like I said, you need to hear him to believe him.

Click this Youtube link to see one of his interactions with law enforcement.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h9gGuVmnhI

Why is he so defiant and sassy? The Officers I felt were very professional, reasonable and willing to work with him if he simply cooperates! Why not just show them his license and move on? Things could have been so much simpler but he creates alot of his own trouble. The middle of this video “goes Black” but you can still hear the audio. Also, how does Travis get gas money to keep driving to all of these towns?

ISTP Misconceptions

EJArendee talks about ISTP misconceptions via YouTube.  Good info. I wish more people would question the profiles of the 16 Types that they can read online.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMzcnf0uRaM

BOOK: The 60-second Shrink by Arnold A. Lazarus PH.D. and Clifford N. Lazarus, PH,D.

Book: “The 60-second Shrink” (Over 100 Strategies for Staying Sane in a Crazy World) by Arnold A. Lazarus PH,D. and Clifford N. Lazarus PH,D.

Lots of useful advice in this book! From the Table of Contents: 1. What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

22. The Dangers of Faulty Positive Thinking

31. Setting Realistic Goals

41. Keys to a Successful Marriage

62. Assertion, Aggression and Passivity

89. The Three Major Types of Psychotherapies

97. Got a Problem? Take Something for it? Or Do Something About it?

And there’s much more. A useful and handy reference to have.

Clint Eastwood on Discipline and Adulting

Clint Eastwood is Awesome!   Warning: contains adult language. Viewer discretion is advised.

Myers-Briggs and the 16 Types. ISTP vs. INTJ

It’s fun, and informative, to read about the 16 Types (personality types) and the MBTI, also known as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. But one thing I have not seen discussed or written about specifically is: a comparison between SP’s and NJ’s. There has been things written about SP’s and NT’s, But what about SP vs. nJ?  This video by EJarendee on Youtube is the closest I’ve heard of that would deal with that. I thought it was a good video.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOdPRVZIIjU  (please highlight and paste that link into your browser and watch on Youtube. I don’t know why it won’t already highlight here. Other links do). One thing I would add on my own, in general, it sounds like INTJ’s are more “grand schemer/planners” (future oriented) where ISTP’s are more immediate “what’s the best thing that I can do right now” (present moment)? My opinion. Hope you like the video. Thanks, Youtube.

Love. Relationships. Compatibility.

Love! Romance! Good things. But will they last?  Hopefully, but it’s not guaranteed.

When loving, romantic couples also say: “I married my best friend”, I think that’s a good thing. When you never run out of things to talk about and both love to do many, many of the same things, it’s always more fun (and less fighting) that way.

Romance & passion matters, but then what? How about over the long term?

Imagine it’s a rainy night and the two of you are watching TV. Do you both like the same types of shows/movies or do you fight over what to watch? What if you’re terribly bored watching another one of “her” cooking shows? What if she’s fed up with watching yet another one of “his” law/crime shows? Does it become an argument? Do you sit there, frustrated and feeling like you’re “putting up with it”?

You go out to eat. Do you argue about which restaurant to go to this time or do you both like the same foods? Is she a Vegan? Does he like a Barbecued Steak? Or, it’s time to get away for the weekend and take a short 2 or 3 day trip. Does she hate the mountains? Does he hate the beach? Does it become a fight? Or, do you both like the same places? Compatibility! Common interests! They matter.

They say Marriage is work. It is. It will be said: “but people never agree on everything.” True, but why make it harder on yourself? Agree on the Big things. The things that YOU really like. The things you want your sweetie to enjoy *with* you. Find a kindred spirit that you are also attracted to! There are times we all need to compromise but more common interests means less arguing. Love is easier and more fun and lasts longer when you’re “both on the same wavelength.” We should pay more attention to that.

Thanks for reading this. I am theOwl30 and I post about several different topics. You can find more at: thewordpressowl.wordpress.com