Boundaries, Narcissism and Assertiveness

Boundaries! Personal Rights! How much will relatives or friends accuse you of being selfish or being a “narcissist” if you dare to lay down any rules? How do -you- decide whether it’s being “too controlling” or you are excersizing a legitimate right, even if someone else doesn’t like it?

Try this scenario:
Let’s assume you have your own car and your own separate place to live, but in the same town or within 25 minutes away.

Question: in your siblings house, who is in charge?
Answer: they are.
Why?
Because it”s their house. Simple.
Next question: who is in charge in their car?
Answer: they are.
Why?
Because it’s their car. Again, simple.

So! If they are a passenger in your car and you are driving, and you have the radio on, or a playing a CD in your car while driving, and they don’t like that song, or that kind of music and tell you: that music sucks. I don’t want to listen to that crap. Play it on your own time when I’m  not here.
What will you do?
Who is in charge in *their* car? Would an aquaintance or someone at work who’s car broke down and needs a ride, would that person tell you what to listen to or to shut it off? I think very likely NOT. Why should family have any more “power”?

Have you ever considered that their wanting you to shut it off is *their* way of being a control freak or trying to dominate you or for them to be “in charge”? Could it be another small way of them trying to manipulate you?

Suppose they said they would turn it off in their car if you didn’t like it. Do you believe them? And what if they did? Should their personal choices require you to be obligated?  What if they came into your house and told you to change the TV show (which you like) to something else? Do you really have to let people dominate you in little ways like this in order to not be “selfish” or “inconsiderate”? They don’t mind one bit that you are giving in to them, but who’s house is it?

It you can’t have boundaries:  1. In your own house, or
2. In your own car—where can you??  Where do they?
Do you disagree? Why?
#Boundaries #Manipulation #PowerTrips #Assertiveness #Respect #Communication #Family #PersonalRights #Teens #Adults #Guilt #Happiness #Relationships