Questioning Relationship Advice

 

I am glad to discover more younger people writing posts about Personal growth and thinking about relationships. At least they are analyzing their life and taking time to think. This is good.

But let’s go a bit deeper. I offer some thoughts & challenges. There are so many slogans and sayings we hear often these days, but are they really true? Things such as:
1. “It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it.” Really?  Yes and no.

You *are* often free to walk away, -but-, when folks say it’s not what happens to you but how you react to it…really? 99 times out of 100 that’s just a beating around the bush way of implying we should put up with it, not react, and not let it get to us. At least it amounts to that. Their advice is all about “enduring” it, but not stopping it. So let’s ask them: Really?!? Would you honestly tell that to a wife who gets beaten by an alcoholic husband that it’s not what happens, it’s just her reaction? It DOES get to you, or her, and it isn’t just her reaction. It’s a just plain bad circumstance and the guy is an Ass! This leads me to something else:

2. “I love him/her Unconditionally”. Gawwd! What a line of total BS. There are *always* “conditions”. Again, would you allow yourself to be beaten by a raging alcoholic and still say:…”but I love him/her Unconditionally”? I hope not.

You will love him/her AS LONG AS you are not horribly mistreated. That’s a “condition” right there. And it should be. There is more:

3. Maybe you say:  “I’m learning to let things end when they need to.” Ok, but—How soon is that? There are less and less married couples these days who are together long enough to celebrate their 30th wedding Anniversary. I am reminded of an old couple being asked how they managed to stay together so long and they replied: “You see, we were born in a time before things were disposable. We made an effort to fix things instead of just casually throwing them away”. Food for thought.  On the other hand, maybe you had alot of “sparks” and lust in the beginning but now that that has toned down, you realize how little else you really have in common and it’s time to go. Only you can decide.

4. Some people say they  “live without expectations”. I feel this is unrealistic. Everyone has expectations.

It might be true that if you don’t have them, you will feel less hurt. But A) it wont stop the loneliness and B) if you don’t have any expectations and just “let it happen”, doesn’t this sound like resignation and setting yourself up to be a doormat? So I offer this next one:

5. How about trying this: Make two short lists. The first list is: 5 short deal-breakers or pet peeves that you absolutely DO NOT WANT in a romantic long-term relationship. The 2nd list is 5 things you definitely DO want from your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. Its easy to be so “busy”. I hope I take the time, myself, to do this later.

I’m no expert, just a guy who has fun kicking ideas around. I am theOwl30. You can find my site at: thewordpressowl.wordpress.com Thanks for reading this.  I also like posts about: Star Wars movies, 50s-60s Rock-n-Roll, Books and more.
#Relationships #Romance #Psychology #Love #SelfImage #20-Somethings #Communication #Growth #Happiness