Psychology. Is Your Therapist Good or Bad? 12 Questions to help decide.

Psychology. Is your Therapist a good one or a bad one? Former  Psychotherapist Daniel Mackler asks 12 questions.  In any profession, or academic study, I enjoy it when those with inside knowledge are willing to offer a Critique. What do you think? Does he have any valid points?

 

Pageants

There you are. In the audience. Listening to one of the top 3 finalists, who is about to win the “High School City Princess” competition or the “Miss Whatever-County” Pageant. As you listen, it goes something like this:

“I’m senior class president. I play tennis and am on the swim team. And the drill team. I have a part-time job in the evening. I’m majoring in:  1.Elementary Education—-(or)—-2. Environmental studies —-(or)—3. Political Science —-(or)—4. Fashion Design (of course! Is it ever anything else?).  I’m vegan, I work out and I do volunteer work on weekends.”

Wow! Sounds like a real “go-getter”, huh?

Uugghhh! YOU COULDN’T GIVE me…..you couldn’t PAY me, to have a Life like that!

Ask yourself:  WHEN?!?—does she even have time to kiss her boyfriend?

To go to a movie in a theatre? To watch a sunset at the beach? Ha! No way. She’s farrrr too busy being a “success”. But she has no free time. How sad.

What will you do with your time after you retire?

What makes you happy? How do you like to spend your free time? And what do you think that will be when you are 70?

Some people live very simple lives. Some others thrive on nearly constant activity and being productive. Both of these can be overdone. Simplicity might degenerate into a rut of monotony. Being productive can become an inability to relax.

Here’s a wild thought: Lets assume there really is some sort of Afterlife or Heaven.
In Heaven, people don’t get sick. At least I’ve never heard anyone say that we do. And I’ve never heard anyone be worried about getting a house in the Afterlife. Think of what this means. It means that even if you had a Prestige career-position here on earth as a Doctor, it won’t matter there, as people no longer get sick. If you were a brilliant construction worker or engineer and built a posh 30-story building or 2 story 4bedroom house, or designed a bridge, it won’t matter, cuz people don’t need a house or to have one designed or built. So what matters once you are there?

It might be said that here, is different than there, and so things that may not matter there, will matter here anyway. Ok. So lets keep it here and ask ourselves: Alright, your career here on earth is over and now—-you are Retired. Life is simpler.  Or, is it?  What will matter then? How will you spend your time? What will be fun? What will be important? Why?

When you were a senior in high school, chances are hardly anyone cared that you were very good at drawing with crayons in the 7th grade. By the time you were in your 3rd year of college, no one cares that you did well enough in sports to get a Letterman’s jacket in 11th grade. By the time you are 40, most people will be in a different job and won’t care about the one they had at 23. By the time you are 68, who will care that you were once in Management or the Administration? So then—

Will you, be able to adjust to a Simpler Life? How will you enjoy your time? What will be important? What will make you happy? And if you are 45 or 50 now, why aren’t you already enjoying those things? What is preventing you? The clock is ticking and we are all getting older. It can be insightful, and fun, to think about.

Taking Another Look at Love & Relationship Advice

I am glad to discover more younger people writing posts about Personal growth and thinking about relationships. At least they are analyzing their life and taking time to think. This is good!

But let’s go a bit deeper. I offer some thoughts & challenges. There are so many slogans and sayings we hear often these days, but are they really true? Things such as:
1. “It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it.” Really? Yes and no.

You *are* often free to walk away from things, -but-, when folks say it’s not what happens to you but how you react to it…really? 99 times out of 100 that’s just a beating around the bush way of implying we should put up with it, not react, and not let it get to us. At least it amounts to that.

Their advice is all about “enduring” it, but not stopping it.

So let’s ask them: Really?!? Would you honestly tell that to a wife who gets beaten by an alcoholic husband that it’s not what happens, it’s just her reaction? It DOES get to you, or her, and it isn’t just her reaction. It’s a just plain bad circumstance and the guy is an Ass! This leads me to something else:

2. “I love him/her Unconditionally”.  Really? No. I don’t think so.

There are *always* “conditions”. Again, would you allow yourself to be beaten by a raging alcoholic and still say:…”but I love him/her Unconditionally”? I hope not. You will love him/her AS LONG AS you are not horribly mistreated. That’s a “condition” right there. And it should be. There is more:

3. Maybe you say: “I’m learning to let things end when they need to.” Ok, but—How soon is that? There are less and less married couples these days who are together long enough to celebrate their 30th wedding Anniversary. I am reminded of an old couple being asked how they managed to stay together so long and they replied: “You see, we were born in a time before things were disposable. We made an effort to fix things instead of just casually throwing them away”. Food for thought. On the other hand, maybe you had alot of “sparks” and lust in the beginning but now that that has toned down, you realize how little else you really have in common and it’s time to go. Only you can decide.

4. Some people say they “live without expectations”. I feel this is unrealistic. Everyone has expectations.

It might be true that if you don’t have them, you will feel less hurt. But A) it wont stop the loneliness and B) if you don’t have any expectations and just “let it happen”, doesn’t this sound like resignation and setting yourself up to be a doormat? So I offer this next one:

5. How about trying this: Make two short lists. The first list is: 5 short deal-breakers or pet peeves that you absolutely DO NOT WANT in a romantic long-term relationship. The 2nd list is 5 things you definitely DO want from your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. Its easy to be so “busy”. I hope I take the time, myself, to do this later.

I’m no expert, just a guy who has fun kicking ideas around. I am theOwl30. You can find my site at: thewordpressowl.wordpress.com Thanks for reading this. I also post about: Music, Books, TV, Psychology & more.
#Relationships #Romance #Love #SelfImage #20-Somethings #Communication #Happiness

Clint Eastwood on Discipline and Adulting

Clint Eastwood is Awesome!   Warning: contains adult language. Viewer discretion is advised.

Learn to Cook. Get easy Recipes, at Cooks.com

If you’re at all like me, I am “Culinarily challenged”. I could stand to learn much more about Cooking. But there is hope!  Check out all of the Categories and Recipes on the left side of the website:  http://www.cooks.com/rec/search/0,1-0,peppered_steak,FF.html

Happy eating!    😉    I post about several different topics, too. Music, Psychology, Spirituality, TV shows and more at:  http://www.thewordpressowl.wordpress.com   See my last 15 posts. Variety is good.

Over-used Words.

Funny how there are different “cool” words, over time, that are used to describe things. Or is it? Because they get sooo over-used that it’s easy to get sick of them.

“Amazing!”  How often have you heard that one? What isn’t “amazing” these days?  It’s over-used. If you had to describe anything very positively for the next 2 weeks but you couldn’t say “Amazing”, what other word would you use?

“Surreal” . That’s another one. Ughh,  I never did understand how that one *ever* caught on! Why not simply say “unreal” or “hard to believe” or incredible?

Or–“Obfuscate”. Seriously, we could all live out our entire lives and never once have to bother even mentioning the word “obfuscate.”

Or, when anything is: a “Pejorative”.  Who are they trying to impress with their ultra-grammar vocabulary?  Just say Insult or put-down and be done with it. But there’s more—

To “Exacerbate”. You always know you’re talking to a hard-core Liberal when you hear that one. Probably an Activist. I never hear “exacerbate” in real-life. But I hear it fairly often on TV News. Usually from a protester, or someone who makes an “issue” out of everything.  Why say “Exacerbate” at all? Maybe they’re trying-too-hard to show-off how “educated” they are. Pffffftt! Why not just say: (to) “make worse”, “aggravate” or “Amplify”?  You never hear about anything GOOD being “exacerbated”. No one ever “exacerbated” an Orgasm.

Some words are kinda kewl but don’t last. I remember one year back in High School, whenever something was super-cool, it was “Outrageous!” That was the cool word. For awhile, everything was “Outrageous”. But the next year, students didn’t say that. I forget what the very next “word” was.

One word has stood the test of time and somehow hasn’t gotten irritating. “Cool” or “kewl”. That one, has lasted over different generations.

Some words, are just plain weird. Like: “Fleek”. Do I even wanna know what that is? Umm, not really. Why was this ever invented? Someone is trying to hard too be inventive.

Whatever happened to “Awesome!” ?   And isn’t it kinda funny that “hottest” and “Coolest” can both be used to mean the same thing? And what will be the cool word in 2020?  And will we get sick of hearing it?  Say it simple. Because simpler is better. And Cooler. (wink)

 

Friendship & Respect

Things We Shouldn’t Have To Say To New Friends But Want Them To Know Anyway
1. Call first, before you come over. Don’t surprise me.
2. When I say: Sure! Come on over…that means –you.  ONLY you! Don’t bring over 2 of your buddies from work, or any kid in diapers, or your dog.
3. Unless it’s an emergency, don’t call before 9am or after 8pm. I probably won’t answer my phone. I’ll do the same.
4. When you come over, don’t block my car in the driveway.
5. Don’t walk in with your unfinished burger & fries, bag of potato chips or soda pop. I didn’t invite you over to dump your garbage.  I have food, or will offer you a beer, or we’ll go somewhere.
6. Absolutely no smoking in my place.
Do I really need to say these things? Yes, as I feel there are just too many all-too-casual and lax people out there. I’m within my rights. So are you, the other way around.
Who is in charge at *your* house?

Now let’s dare to go one step further. What if I said: when you come over, leave your cell phone out in your car. Why? (This one, I may not actually do, but it’s tempting. The other things listed above are more important).
Because if you’re coming over, it should be to visit and talk to each other. So let’s do that. And you’ll have my attention, too. What I don’t want to happen is to have you no sooner arrive and in 2 minutes your phone rings and you gab and yak and talk and gab on your phone with one of your other friends for 25 minutes right in front of me as I sit there, uninvolved. No way!

Now that’s a good test-scenario. I wonder how most “pro-boundary people” would handle that one. One person gets accused of “flexing their muscles too much” while the other one is rude and inconsiderate. Cute! What do you think, and Why? People say we all have the right to have Boundaries, but will we be “control freaks” if we do? Feel free to leave a comment, below.  See my other posts at: thewordpressowl.wordpress.com
#Boundaries #Friends #Assertiveness #Communication #Psychology #Courtesy #Respect #20-Somethings,  #Love, #Relationships #Phones #Psychology #Personality  #Friendship

Living an Adult Life Should Still Have Joy

In my opinion, the sad part of being an Adult is that too often people behave as if they believe that Adulthood means they have to go through Life much more serious about everything.

Responsibility is a good thing and part of being a good adult. But they don’t have to become a Workaholic, or join committees, or put in too much overtime, and then pride themself on how “motivated” they are but–have no life outside of their career!
Nearly “All drudgery, all the time!”
All in the name of being responsible.
But not much Joy.
It’s interesting. You ask them “what’s goin’ on?” and it’s nearly always about how they are so “busy” running lots of errands and going to the bank, paying their phone bill, their heat bill, seeing the dentist, mowing their lawn, giving their car a tune up, etc.

OK, so they have it together. That’s good. We should get those things done.
The bad and sad part is: That’s it!
With far too few exceptions. Where is the Fun?
—and it is much, much too rare that you see, or hear, them talk about any funny movie they saw, or any beach-trip they took, or a new restaurant they ate in, or a new book they read, or that they went bowling or played pool, Rode a bike, hiked a trail, had a picnic or spent 2 hrs. in the Mall for fun?
Nope. 100 excuses.
They are just “too busy”. Or,
It costs too much (it doesn’t), it’s too far to go (it really isn’t) , or they’re just “not into that” (but they used to like it). And I don’t just mean partying.
Even seeing a movie in a theatre doesn’t happen anywhere near like it used to. Maybe later this summer. If they “have time”. Busyness and “getting my stuff done” has become almost like a new drug, (or at least a boring rut).

They don’t see it that way at all.
After all, there’s work to be done. (Only? They will say no but what else do they do?)
That’s their right and they are not here to live up to what I think is best. After all, it’s their life.

But I notice:
A) Their Life is losing it’s former variety, and becoming quite a bit more repetitive.
B) While becoming more Adult, their increased “maturity” has caused them to have less of a sense of humor. They get embaressed more easily. (God only knows why). I’m not talking about anything wild or outrageous or glaring, but just too on guard in public about what anyone might see or hear and too worried about it. But most people don’t care. They probably won’t even notice. But the alertness and concern persists.
C) For some reason, Etiquette sometimes becomes a game of: they were more polite or considerate than you were. Example: you went out to eat and you left a tip. But they had to leave a bigger one.

One more thing: I have sometimes joked that if I live to be 85, I’ll be wild and shake my Tush like Elvis. Most people laugh when they hear that. And admire that spirit of being playful even in old age.
But then, isn’t it sad when as Adults, we don’t “let our hair down” at 50 yrs. old even if it’s 2 notches down from that? All in the name of “maturity”, but where’s the Joy?

#20-Somethings #Adulthood #Growth #PersonalGrowth #Happiness #Life #Career #Teens #Goals #Psychology #SelfImage