Around 1973-74, Comedian Flip Wilson had a TV show. He was widely loved by many in his time.
A co-worker is giving you a ride home from work. They have music on in their car. It’s not that it’s too loud, you just don’t like it. But hey! They are doing you a favor and they are in charge in their own car just as they are in their own house. So suck it up and shut up. And Respect their turf! Right? After all, you are not in charge here.They are. But—some people try to be anyway. And this leads us right into “Boundaries”. Imagine this, it could easily happen. Will you stand up for your legitimate rights or let yourself get shamed into doing things their way? Who is in charge at *their* house? Likewise, you have the same rights. Here goes:
A family member is riding with you in *your* car and you have the radio or a music CD on while driving. Its music you really like, but they say the music sucks and to turn it off. How do you (or anyone reading this) feel about this conversation? Here is what I feel they would be likely to say, and my responses:
Them: Gawd, that music sucks. Shut it off.
Me: I like it and this is my car.
Them: But I’m a “captive audience”.
Me: #1–NO ONE forced you to ride with me! And its my car. Would you tell someone else what TV channel to have on if you were in their house?
Them: Well, iiiii wouldn’t do things like that. I’d shut it off it you were in my car.”
Me: Maybe. But you would be within your rights either way. But even aside from that: Your-choices-dont-obligate-me!
Them: well, you could have a little more consideration.
Me: IIII could? 2 replies: #1. who is on who’s “turf” here? When iiii’m the passenger, or a visitor at someone else’s place, I do things *their* way. They, or you, can show “consideration” and respect by doing the same for me. and #2. What would I do if you weren’t even here? I’d enjoy this music. Question: why should I diminish my enjoyment any less, or inhibit myself just because you are here?
Them: That sounds selfish. 15 minutes without your music wouldn’t kill you.
Me: And 15 minutes of hearing it won’t kill you, either. I am within my rights if its in my house, on my property or in my car. Just like you are.
Them: Gawd, I hate driving with you.
Me: I can stop the car. You are free to go. No one ever forced you at all.
Comment: There! That should cover the likely objections and arguments. One more thing—suppose I *did* give them their way on this bit with the radio. How soon would it be before they found 6 other ways and situations for me (or you) to be more “considerate” ? You get to be “courteous” but they will never admit to being “manipulative”, bossy, or trying to run things when they are at your place, will they? I didn’t think so. It’s an ongoing battle but we usually feel better when we stand up for our rights
There is a good book on Boundaries, which you can get through Amazon.com called: Where To Draw The Line, by Anne Katherine.
But here’s a scenario/question I’d like to share, not in the book.
Who is in charge in your house or apartment? You are, or should be. Why? Because it’s *your* place! But if that’s true, then what if:
Your brother or sister comes over to stay for a few days, maybe a week. Let’s say your parents are also coming over, too and that you have a 2 or 3 bedroom place, so there is room for everyone to stay overnight. Even though they are family, you are still in charge of your own place and family or not, they should “respect your house” and that it’s “your house, your rules”. After all, who is in charge in their house? Simple enough. But what if your brother or sister decided to intrude on or ignore your boundaries “by doing a good thing”? Such as: Family is visiting you. Let’s say you go to the Mall in the daytime because you enjoy it and will be gone all afternoon til say, an hour before dinner. But, while you were out, let’s say your brother or your sister got the bright idea of going the grocery store, buying some meat, veggies and a bunch of food items and–without informing or asking you at all–just decided that they would cook dinner for everyone, using your kitchen, and they wont let you pay them back for the food they bought. You come back from the Mall, walk in the door and its 15 minutes before everything is ready.
It might be very tempting to just say: KEWWWL! Somebody cooked for me and it didnt cost me a dime, but—think further. is it really as simple and innocent as that? Or, would you feel like someone else “took over” and “ran right over you without asking first”? Maybe so they could one-up you and be “star of the show” in your own house? Or at the very least, ignoring you and overstepping their bounds? Let’s go further still. Suppose you do think so, but that your Mom or Dad defends that person, saying how it was all so “kind-hearted” of them, would you still think it was wrong? Are you going by what you feel or how others tell you how you should feel? How would you feel? Why? What if after dinner you all wanted to go see a movie and this same person picked the one you will all go to see, while visiting your house? Don’t you feel like this person is “taking over”? If no, why not? If yes, suppose they offered to pay the bill for everyone, does that mean they get their way or make the decision? Beware of manipulators offering gifts. How do you feel about all this? Boundaries are a very interesting topic. – TheOwl30
There you are. In the audience. Listening to one of the top 3 finalists, who is about to win the “High School City Princess” competition or the “Miss Whatever-County” Pageant. As you listen, it goes something like this:
“I’m senior class president. I play tennis and am on the swim team. And the drill team. I have a part-time job in the evening. I’m majoring in: 1.Elementary Education—-(or)—-2. Environmental studies —-(or)—3. Political Science —-(or)—4. Fashion Design (of course! Is it ever anything else?). I’m vegan, I work out and I do volunteer work on weekends.”
Wow! Sounds like a real “go-getter”, huh?
Uugghhh! YOU COULDN’T GIVE me…..you couldn’t PAY me, to have a Life like that!
Ask yourself: WHEN?!?—does she even have time to kiss her boyfriend?
To go to a movie in a theatre? To watch a sunset at the beach? Ha! No way. She’s farrrr too busy being a “success”. But she has no free time. How sad.
Good Blues guitar by Jimmy Thackery playing “Hobart’s Blues”. Thanks, YouTube.
Too Funny! Rock-n-Roll. Enjoy! Here’s Twisted Sister doing their “I Wanna Rock”. Thanks, Youtube.
Check it out. Monthly April Horoscope from Susan Miller and Astrologyzone.com
Click your sign and also pgs, 2, 3, etc. Free is a good price. https://www.astrologyzone.com/horoscopes/
70’s Rock. Party on! Here’s “We’re an American Band” by Grand Funk Railroad. Thanks, Youtube. See also my last 20 posts for more variety of topics. Comments always welcome.
Ever wish you could Sing? Do Karaoke? It may be easier than you think. Much easier. With…..SINGTRIX. Check this out! At the very least, this could be loads of fun to play around with. Thanks, Youtube.
By now, you’ve already seen it: Star Wars, “The Last Jedi”. After I saw it, I felt it was a letdown. Here’s why:
1. SNOKE—He gets killed. Seriously? When fans had oodles of questions about him? He was portrayed differently, too. Before the Last Jedi, he was Dark, Mysterious, talked a bit slow. Suddenly, in the Last Jedi, he’s about 3 times more outgoing, far less mysterious and much more like a sarcastic, arrogant butt-head. But then he gets killed. Go figure. Unless this is somehow setting things up for a super-showdown later between Rey and Kylo Ren, it seemed like a waste.
2. The Asian Lady and Finn. What is this all about, anyway? What is the point? Frankly, why are they even in the movie? To me they seem like “filler” characters who really don’t need to be there. But it gets worse—-
3. That “lady captain or commander” of the Starship. Was she a blonde? I can’t even remember her name, but she seemed utterly clueless about strategy or fighting/battle tactics and all she had was a 10-story Ego to go with her title. I wondered if she were secretly working for the dark side for part of the movie.
4. With Snoke gone, how will Kylo Ren advance in the Dark side of the Force? Rey, still has “the old Ancient books” on her ship, right? So she could get more knowledge from those.
5. We STILL haven’t found out who Rey’s parents are.
6. We still haven’t found out who created the first order and why.
7. We still don’t know how Maz Kanata got posession of Luke’s old Lightsaber.
8. We still don’t know who Maz Kanata is.
After all that, it appears that the slate has been wiped clean for the next movie to take-off and begin a whole new direction/chapter but—-it’s hard to imagine if or how it could be as good or recapture-the-old-glory of previous Star Wars. Will Luke or Yoda ever help out, as Force-ghosts, in future battles? Unknown.
Like Bluesy-jazz with a good groove to it? Here’s Melvin Rhyne and “Stanley’s Shuffle”. Thanks, Youtube. Nice groove and solos.
#Jazz #Blues #Music